Turns out it isn’t just me. A couple of local people found my blog in the past day or 2. I’ve received several emails wondering if Doc Crazy might have been their nightmare doctor as well. Surprise, surprise – she is. I think we should start a little club. The women I’ve heard from stuck with her and had horrible L&D (or I should say c-section because that’s all she seems to do) stories as a result. So I count myself lucky for leaving before I have to remember her as part of my baby’s birth story. Now she can fade into a funny story I tell at play dates – once I’m done being bitter of course.

Thanks to everyone out there for the support. It is always nice to know your peeps have your back – even if just in thought.

* Updated to add:  Now Doc Crazy doesn’t want to give me my records.  I called and asked the med tech to make a copy for me to pick up on Friday morning.  She called back today and said Doc Crazy wants me to fax a release and the info for my new doc and they will mail it directly there.  Nope.  I informed her that wasn’t acceptable.  The records are mine.  I am legally entitled to them and I would be there to pick them up on Friday.  If Friday isn’t convenient, I can wait until Monday morning.  The med tech nervously told me she would have to check with the doctor.  I told her that was fine but I would see her on Friday.

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Spring has sprung here in Nashville. Today is supposed to be mid-70’s but it is rainy this morning. Sabrina doesn’t care. She wants to go out and play anyway. Perhaps she heard that it is supposed to drop 25 degrees this weekend.

First, I don’t have issues with all doctors – just my OB.  I took Sabrina to her 18 month appointment yesterday and was reminded of how much I love her pediatrician.  I have a little non-romantic crush on him because I am so tired of battling my own doctor and he is everything a doctor should be.  Interested but not in a stalker kind of way.  Kind.  Warm.  Informative without threatening death.  Anyway, Miss Sabrina continues to be a little peanut.  I was shocked to find she was only 21 pounds.  I was sure she was in the neighborhood of 24 (actually by the end of some days she feels like 54 lbs).  Her doctor wasn’t concerned because her height and weight are proportionate and still on the charts.  She was declared healthy and seemingly well adjusted.  I will continue to see him for both Sabrina and the new baby despite the fact it will be 25 miles from the new house.

On to the (hopefully) last chapter of my Doc Crazy story.  I canceled my appointment with her last Wednesday because something came up.  It is the first appointment I have ever canceled.  Her office called at the time my appointment was to have occurred to inquire why I canceled (umm…none of your business) and when I would reschedule.  I decided to find another OB and made an appointment with that office.  This week I intended to call and get a copy of my file – officially completing the break up.

Last night in the mail, I received a letter (dated the day I canceled the appointment) from her listing all of the ways I’ve been non-compliant and threatening to break up with me first.  I was livid.  She was basically saying that I’ve been purposefully endangering my baby.  The things she listed were ridiculous.  She said I refused the cerclage.  Not true.  I simply wanted to discuss it before I let her sew me shut.  She told me to go home and research it and we would discuss it at my next appointment.  She never brought it up again so I thought she had decided it wasn’t indicated.  She stated I refused the amniocentsis.  Again not true.  I consented to it but before doing so I told her I wanted to discuss the risk and the procedure and her reasons for wanting to do it.  She gave me a very brief explanation and I told her that if she felt it was necessary I would consent.  She said I have continued unaddressed high blood pressure.  Not true.  In her office my readings are always high (gee, wonder why).  At her insistence, I bought a home BP monitor.   I took it 3 times a day for a month.  Each and every reading was below normal.  I then backed down to once a day.  Each and every reading has been below normal.  At my last appointment, the reading in her office was again high.  She looked at the chart of my home readings, sighed, and said that she had to believe what was right before her eyes – meaning she was calling me a liar and stating she believed her readings were correct and mine were manufactured.  That was really the last straw for me.  Her last instance of non-compliance was my refusal for weekly appointments and then when they attempted to “compromise” with me by making them bi-weekly I then canceled an appointment.

I can’t even describe my anger last night.  It was probably disproportionate but honestly I felt like I was being likened to a pregnant woman who is smoking, drinking, and doing crack.  I have done everything this crazy lady has asked of me but I guess my audacity at wanting to discuss decisions and be a participant in my own care makes me non-compliant.  I wrote a letter addressing each point she made and faxed it over this morning.  I also called and told the med tech to copy my chart and have it ready for me to pick up on Friday morning.   I am so glad I had already decided to make the break.

Bare belly shot?  Ain’t ever going to happen my friends.

My medical chart now officially says “Difficult”. My doctor was back to insisting on seeing me weekly and I was back to refusing. She finally said she would simply put in my chart that despite her advice, I refused to come in next week. Uh-oh. Do you think that will end up in my permanent record from high school? Everything looks good with the baby. Still no definite girl/boy shots but the quick view we had led my doctor to again speculate that it might be a girl.

I’ve been getting threats requests for one of those humiliating belly shots. I can’t believe I am going to do this on the internet but my sister has threatened to call my husband for one if she doesn’t see something soon. So for her and all of those emailing and saying “pretty please” here we go. I cropped it so no one can say I look “cute” or anything like that. I’m not fishing for compliments – I’m satisfying everyone’s curiosity. I’m turning into a whale and I don’t need the internets to tell me otherwise, m’kay? Thanks.

First, a shot to prove that when wearing my former fat clothes current “maternity” wear, I just look like I’ve been on a long ice cream sandwich bender.  This is 20 weeks and a couple of days:

Here is the money shot. I can’t guarantee how long I will leave these up so point and laugh while you can. (And I’ve never had an ass…it isn’t a pregnancy thing, just a sad piece of genetic code inherited from both of my parents. So the part sticking out would be the stomach not the butt as on normal folks.)

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Lastly, I do need an opinion from the great, wise internet realm. My husband has twice in the past 2 days mentioned that he needs to shed some of his winter pounds. While I support this endeavor, it bothers me to hear him discuss it. I’ve told him that I think it is insensitive when I am watching myself expand daily to discuss his desire to lose weight. He thinks I am being irrational because the discussion has nothing to do with me (doesn’t he know everything has to do with me when I am knocked up?). I say it just reminds me how out of control I feel over what is happening to my body. So, be honest, am I being silly for being sensitive about this or is he just not getting it?

Had yet another doctor appointment today.  My doctor has now successfully driven away her nurse – the only sane person who worked there.  So now I am stuck with just crazy doc and her nervous intern until she hires a new nurse.  I spent my entire appointment being belligerent – questioning her about decisions she has made without my input, refusing to blindly follow her requests, flat out refusing to come in for another appointment next week, calling her a control freak, and generally making a pain in the ass of myself.  She was probably glad to see me go today.  Her intern spent the time snickering out of sight while I being difficult.

All looked good with the baby. The baby was also being difficult and again refused to give us a between the legs shot so no gender news.

I’ve received some curious emails lately about whether or not we have chosen a name for our new impending bundle of joy. I’ve been coy for a couple of reasons. We do have a boy’s name picked out but then every now and then Steve will throw out the junior thing as a possibility. I don’t get the junior thing – the kid already gets his last name, is it really necessary to give him his first name too? – but I haven’t taken it off the table. I don’t think I am going to reveal the boy’s name since it is pretty much decided. I’m mean that way.

Surprisingly, we are struggling with a girl’s name. Sabrina’s name was chosen long before she was conceived. We chose it and never wavered. But this time we are having a hard time. Maybe that is because I’ve decided the baby is a boy and therefore we won’t need the girls name. If the doctor reveals it is a girl then I have additional motivation to pick one. But it has been a topic of conversation here for a couple of months. Here is the short list – feel free to tell us your favorite or add another. Our criteria is that it can’t be wildly popular (no Isabella or Gabriella or Sophia no matter how much we like them) and they can’t end in an “e” sound (-ie or -y) because our last name ends with that sound and Steve thinks it sounds weird.

Mia

Violet (Steve’s current fav)

Sienna

Sawyer (unsure of how we would spell it so it was a little more feminine)

And there we are stuck. We like them all but there hasn’t been one that we instantly said “that’s it” like we did with Sabrina. We each have struck down other ideas from each other. He doesn’t get that I have certain associations with names if I know people by that name and I don’t get his like of really formal, old fashioned names.

Saw my doctor, yet again, today.  She was actually pleased with some of my test results (nothing pleases the woman).  My Quad Screen results were all negative.  I did test positive for Group B Strep – some kind of bacteria that will require IV antibiotics during delivery.  The baby was bouncing all over the place during the ultrasound.  The doctor did make some effort to determine sex.  The baby wasn’t particularly cooperative.  The couple of between the leg peeks that s/he allowed didn’t reveal any boy parts…but the doctor said that sometimes the scrotum gets folded up on the abdomen  so she wasn’t confident enough to make a call since s/he wouldn’t give us a good look.

Sabrina was fascinated by the ultrasound.  She obviously had no idea what it was but she stared at the screen the entire time and giggled every time the doctor turned on the sound to hear the heartbeat.

I’m feeling good.  Still a bit tired but mostly because I haven’t been sleeping very well at night.  I think I’ve felt the baby move around a few times but then I convince myself I imagined it.  I have to say it is a very freaky feeling.

Double fisting the toaster waffle:

Kicking back with some milk and a good book at the end of a hard day:

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Yet another doctor’s appointment today. She surprised me. She didn’t even bring up the cerclage or putting me back on bed rest and seemed to be in a good mood. She was actually pretty pleasant. Maybe she got laid for V-day, I don’t know. Anyway, everything still looks fine with the baby. They took some blood for some kind of chromosomal blood work today. According to dates, I am 15w5d today. The baby was measuring 15w6d and his/her head was measuring 16w6d (anyone who knows my big headed hubby would know that alone proves paternity – I say that with love but seriously they had to special order his helmet when he played football in high school).

Saw the doctor today.

First thing she said to me was “You are starting to look pregnant.”

Her nurse responded “I’m sure that isn’t what you wanted to hear this morning.”

And I said “Actually, I thought I just looked fat so I’ll take pregnant.”

Everything looks fine.  The baby was kicking and flipping up a storm.  Too early to determine if it is a boy or a girl (I’m 14 weeks and 1 day right now).  In 6 weeks she wants to do an amnio (or the BFN – Big F*cking Needle – test as Steve calls it).

I continue to want to smack my doctor upside the head.  She is still insisting on weekly appointments.  The only upside of this is that I get to see the baby every week (she does an ultrasound at every appointment).  The downside of this is that she stresses me out.  Her new thing today was she wants to do a cervical cerclage soon.  This is where they basically sew my cervix shut until I reach 37 weeks.  She said she would require me to be on bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy (that is 5 months).  WHAT?  I’ve done some research on this (she told me to look it up on the internet when I balked in her office so my googling was doctor’s orders) and don’t know what to do.

I hate this.  My initial reaction is absolutely not.  I don’t want to be on bed rest – it was starting to make me feel majorly depressed and physically I felt horrible from the lack of activity.  I don’t believe I meet the criteria for doing the cerclage (a previous second trimester pregnancy loss, a previous cone biopsy or LEEP procedure, or an incompetent cervix).  Both of my previous miscarriages were early and the babies died before the miscarriage (no heart beat…go home and let nature take its course kind of thing).  I’ve never had the middle thingy.  And I have no reason to believe my cervix is incompetent (I will admit to calling my ovaries incompetent in the past when I wasn’t ovulating but we’ve made up) and the websites say it is difficult to diagnose.  When I asked her why she wanted to do this she cited my previous miscarriages but I truly believe it is apples and oranges.  I’ve never made it this far in a pregnancy.  This is uncharted territory for me.  She also mentioned I have a short cervix.  I don’t know what this means but she hasn’t touched my cervix in months so I have no idea how she knows anything about the condition of my cervix.  If we could do it without the bed rest, I might be willing to discuss it.  I can’t face 5 months of bed rest – it isn’t good for my psyche or for Sabrina.

But then there is that little voice in the back of my head that asks what if something happens and I could have prevented it.   Can you get a second opinion on something that is just precautionary to begin with?  Will any one say it isn’t indicated when it is a cover your ass kind of procedure?  Why can’t everyone leave me alone and let me eat ice cream and get fat?

I’m a little bit sad today. I finally put away Sabrina’s exesaucer. She admittedly hasn’t used it for several months but it has been a part of our living room since we came home. I guess I would be more sad if I was putting it away without any idea of when or if we might need it again – I’m happy knowing that in a little more than a year I will be able to get it out again. So now we have this big empty space in the corner of our living room…I’m sure she has some other toys that can fill it – no worries.

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My sister is gleefully waiting for me to get as big as a house. (I think she is also secretly disappointed that I haven’t tossed my cookies.) I might have poked a little bit of fun at her during her last month or 2 of pregnancy but it was 14 years ago – who remembers? She was begging me to post a full length photo of myself when I said that I didn’t have a pregnant belly yet but that I swear I am getting wider. When I refused, she then said I could just send it to her. I reminded her that it has only been a month since she has seen me, I am still wearing the same clothes I did then, and the difference is probably only really noticeable to me at this point. She agreed to drop the subject for now…but I know I will be hearing the request again.

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Someone emailed me and asked if I was having any weird food cravings. I get on weird kicks with food any old time so it is hard to tell what is pregnancy related and what is just a normal obsession craving. But for the past 5 or 6 weeks I have been obsessed with ethnic food – mostly Mediterranean. About once a week, I call Steve and ask him to meet us at a place near his office for falafel and gyros. (The best falafels ever! They put them on some hummus and top them with some tabbouleh. Yum!) When I can’t get my hands on decent falafel (because some places make awful falafel), I’m also quite happy with Mexican and Chinese. And Publix deli makes this organic Moroccan chickpea and lentil soup that I ate for lunch 3 days in a row last week. Heavenly! I found a recipe on the web for something similar so I will share if it turns out well.

And my non-ethnic food obsession at the moment is fresh ground honey roasted peanut butter on seeded spelt crackers – both from Whole Foods.

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I got a call this morning from my senior year college roommate! I love hearing from old friends. We haven’t talked much in recent years (mostly cards and email here and there) – she has 2 kids, I’ve been doing my thing – life gets in the way sometimes. But I’m so glad to have reconnected – we both promised to make the effort to try and stay in closer contact.

Speaking of college, another old friend who I met in my first class on my first day checks in from time to time (when her children and job give her a minute) – Hi Jen!