Archive for April, 2008

Pimpin’ for my peeps

Thursday, April 17th, 2008

Guatoberfest planning is underway. The location has been moved to Myrtle Beach, SC and it will be held the 2nd weekend of October. Unfortunately, the venue change means I can’t attend this year – but I’m sure it will be a fabulous time despite the absence of the beautiful Miss Sabrina. It is open to all adoptive families, not just those who adopted from Guatemala. Check out the new website to stay up to date on the info.

A little closer to home, we will be having a Guat Picnic here in Nashville on May 3rd. I am posting this here because there are a few of you out there who I had email addresses for but lost them in the Great Laptop Crash of ’08. (Julie – are you reading this?) Leave me a comment if you are in middle TN and would like to join us. The picnic is open to any adoptive family, not just Guatemala, and those in process if they would like to come. It looks like we have about 15 – 20 families interested in attending already so I look forward to meeting new faces!

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Sabrina and I spent yesterday hanging out in our new empty house waiting for the washer and dryer to be delivered.  Of course they came at the tail end of their 4 hour window so we were there all afternoon but they are installed and ready for use.

I remember the first washer and dryer I bought – knowing that I didn’t have to go to the laundromat anymore – it was almost as exciting as my first car.  This time?  Not exactly exciting but a nice detail to have taken care of before we move in.  And buying a new set (even the almost cheapest set in the store) definitely gave us a little sticker shock.  But we were hoarding some Christmas and birthday gift cards that took some of the sting out of it.  (Thanks mom, M & I, and C & J.)

Sabrina got to check out her new yard.  She was fascinated with peeking through the fence so Steve let her see over it.

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And I can tell already that we will battle many times each day about staying off the steps.  I have to find a gate that will work despite the rounded banister – which probably means something permanently drilled in.  (They make gates for that kind of thing, right?)  I hate to do that in a rental but we’ll just have to putty the holes before we leave.  I will lose my mind if I have to tell her to get off the stpes 492 times every day.

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Wasn’t it just yesterday?

Wednesday, April 16th, 2008

Going from the mother of 1 to the pregnant mom of almost 2 somehow makes it a more complete transformation in my mind.  With Sabrina, I am able to still be very mobile and do most of the things I want/need to do.  Being pregnant and soon adding a second little one to the brood feels like I am hampering that mobility and laid back life style.  It isn’t a bad thing, it just feels like it requires more of an attitude and lifestyle adjustment than having 1 child did.

If you take a second to quickly see your life as others must from the outside, does it ever startle you a bit? The fact that at a quick glance, I can be described as a pregnant stay at home mom of a toddler always makes me want to say “What? Who?”. I look in my rear view mirror and see a car seat and realize I need to add another in a few months. When did this happen? My life today doesn’t even slightly resemble my life just 1 year and 1 week ago. Sometimes I’m just not sure what happened or when.

If someone told my 21 year old, just graduated from college, femi-nazi, headed to law school, traveling the world, never getting married or having kids self that my life would be this in less than 15 years? I never would have believed it. If you then told my 21 year old self that I was actually happy about the way my life looks today? I would have said you were smoking crack.

I pulled a coat out of the back of the closet this weekend. I felt something in pocket and pulled out a clump of legos. Just a few short years ago, I would have likely pulled out a lost lighter, a pack of stale cigarettes, and maybe some cash. Now I find legos and stale goldfish crackers. It just highlights how completely my life has changed.

None of this is complaint.  I very deliberately chose my life.  I’m just surprised some days by where I’ve chosen to go based on where I started as an adult.  I wouldn’t change most of the choices I’ve made because they have brought me here and made me who I am.  I am overjoyed to know our little family is growing.  I am happy to soon be the mother of 2.  It is just incongruent with how I picture myself.  Guess I need to adjust that picture, huh?

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I wrote all of those paragraphs independently as drafts to start this post because it has been bouncing around in my head.  I couldn’t make it flow so I’m throwing all of my draft pieces into one.  Excuse the disjointedness.  

Oh you guys…

Tuesday, April 15th, 2008

Thanks for all of the compliments. I’ll post a photo in maternity wear which does highlight the fact that I am knocked up. And thanks for the young looking comments. There are days I have to crank up some old school Def Leopard and jam my little heart out to remind myself that there was once someone other than a momma in the rear view mirror. As for my lack of wrinkles, I’ll credit 3 things: genetics, avoiding the sun for the past 1o years (we won’t talk about the years prior to that), and the fat helps fill out the lines that were developing. Heh.

So here in maternity wear looking more pregnant:

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And do you think the fact that when I pull up my blog on my screen and Sabrina sees the little cartoon Michelle and says “Mommy!” – do you think that might mean I am on line too much? Of course she loves seeing the photos of herself on there – she points and smiles and says “Nana” (that is what she calls herself).

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Another right of mommy passage today – the child peed on the floor.  She doesn’t run around without a diaper on often because honestly I don’t feel like having to rub her nose on the carpet if she pees (kidding – I would just lightly smack her nose with a rolled up newspaper).  It was right before her bath and she was sans diaper and suddenly there was a puddle on the carpet.  Reminded me why I didn’t want another puppy.

Bless your hearts

Monday, April 14th, 2008

Don’t you know not to poke the irritable pregnant lady?

Okay, okay, I have heard your demands requests so stop sending me emails about it. I am still not giving you the belly shot you want. I told you that would never happen my friends. But here are some 6 month photos for all y’all (did you know that y’all has a plural form? it does – all y’all…we learned it from the waitress at Shoney’s).

First, proof that with regular clothes on, I can pass for chubby rather than pregnant:

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But this is what I see when I look down these days:

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Okay, enough of my mug, here is some real cuteness:

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And this weekend we discovered the Sabrina hates grapefruit. She loves oranges and will suck on lemons so it seemed like something she would enjoy. She didn’t agree with that assessment (this is her mid-gag):

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1 year ago

Sunday, April 13th, 2008

A year ago today was my first full day as Sabrina’s mom. April 12th I moved to Antigua. Steve spent a couple of days with us while we settled in and then returned home. Being away from him was really difficult as was being a first time mom solo – but I remember my time in Antigua fondly.

I can’t believe how much she has grown and how much our lives have changed in 12 months.

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Indecision ’08

Saturday, April 12th, 2008

Several of you asked in the comments and via email for a status update about the little one. I guess I’ve been so busy bitching discussing my changing of doctors that I haven’t given a status update lately. So Secret Agent (as I think of the baby) update:

Due date: July 31 or August 4 – depended on Doc Crazy’s mood on that particular day. I am almost 24 weeks pregnant.

Complaint of the day: A man obviously started these lies about pregnancy lasting 9 months. Did they really think that we wouldn’t notice that 9 months and 40 weeks don’t compute? I am 24 weeks (6 months) pregnant yet have another 16 weeks (4 months) of pregnancy to go full term. Nine months my expanding ass.

Gender news: None (hence the title of my post). Doc Crazy refused to decide if Secret Agent is a boy or girl. However, after 437 ultrasounds we never saw any protruding or dangly parts so I’m thinking pink despite my original conviction the baby was a boy. I’m guessing the new doc might let me know at my first ultrasound because she won’t be crazy.

How am I feeling? I’ve never had any delusions that I would be a happy, glowing pregnant woman. So far, it isn’t as bad as I thought it would be – but I still have a good amount of time left and the heat is coming. My chief complaints tend to be trouble sleeping mostly due to my hip joints aching at night and feeling like a beached whale. I miss wearing normal clothes. I miss browsing catalogs and pretending I might order things. I miss having more energy. I miss not making groaning noises when getting up off the floor. But honestly, it isn’t too bad yet. The baby is kicking like a linebacker. Steve has finally been able to feel it too. S/he is especially active in the evening and will usually settle on my sciatic nerve and play soccer with my bladder after dinner. I find pregnancy in general rather awe inspiring but just plain bizarre. I can’t get over the weirdness (not in a bad way) of this little human being inside of me.

Other random thoughts:

I’m never quite sure if I should be offended or complimented when someone says I don’t even look pregnant. I assume the person is being nice but did I look this fat and dress this ugly before? At the same time, it is nice to delude myself for a couple of minutes (until I catch my reflection) that maybe I don’t look so bad. I know how much I’ve gained and if I don’t look pregnant then I just look fat.

I think I’m starting to waddle a little. My walking only has 1 speed these days – slow stroll. When we go somewhere, Steve has to stop and wait for me to catch up.

I angered the baby last week. I was having my usual 3am struggle to find a comfortable way to sleep. On my side made my hips ache even with my body pillow (which I have dubbed my new boyfriend) and on my back is out of the question (it cuts off circulation to something important and I end up with a headache). So in my sleepy state, I must have flopped onto my stomach. Immediately I received many angry kicks to remind me that someone else has taken up residence there for the time being and to kindly remove my whale like girth.

Thankfully random strangers haven’t started trying to touch me yet. I really don’t anticipate them receiving a warm reception. I’m all about personal space when I’m not hormonal and cranky.

I have an appointment with my new doctor in 10 days. She was recommended to me by a friend down here so I have high hopes. Heck, at this point and I don’t care if I like her or not. As long as she doesn’t bring the crazy we are ahead of the game.

And to Miss Amy, my real life friend, I will admit you were correct in your comment.  I was 1/2 relieved at the lack of confrontation and 1/2 sad at being robbed of the fun of the chance to tell her what I thought.  I’m twisted that way.

Sigh**

Friday, April 11th, 2008

Off to go retrieve my records (at the prescribed 12:30 – 1:00 time slot so I can’t poison any of her unsuspecting victims patients with the truth by making a scene) in this torrential, ark-building kind of rain we are having today (any one know how long a cubit is because it may come to that if this rain doesn’t quit soon). If I don’t check back in a few hours, my car was either washed away by a freak TN tsunami or Doc Crazy has me locked in her exam room.

**It was all very anti-climatic.  She wasn’t there.  Med tech wasn’t there.  Some temp was manning an empty office.  We chit chatted, I took my file.  The file is carbons of her progress notes and largely illegible (too light and scratched over).  No lab results or any ultrasound results.  The rain stopped while I was in her office.  By the time I got home, the sun was out and the sky was blue.  Think I can take that as a sign?

Screaming Mimi

Thursday, April 10th, 2008

Miss Sabrina has convinced us perhaps we didn’t name her correctly.  Screaming Mimi would be more accurate for the past 24 hours.  Bed time last night was rather ugly.  (Okay, I’ll admit that our ugly might very well still be prettier than many of you have everyday.  I am spoiled by my child and convinced the one coming will be a little devil as pay back.)  She screamed for 90 minutes, calming easily only if Steve and I were both in the room.  She normally wakes up laughing and talking.  This morning she woke up screaming.  She even screamed a bit at nap time which is unusual these days.  There isn’t anything wrong with her.  She is perfectly happy as soon as she isn’t in her crib.

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It was 79 here today – windy and not particularly sunny but we’ll take the nice weather before it turns chilly this weekend.  We went to the park to enjoy the nice day.

Swinging always makes my girl smile.

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and she climbed up all by herself:

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and was incredibly proud of herself:

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As for Doc Crazy, her med tech called again and said I could pick up my chart tomorrow at 1pm.  Not looking forward to dealing with Doc Crazy as I am sure she will be there – but such is life.  Med tech also said that Doc Crazy would be sending me a bill for some past services.  I know exactly what she is talking about and it is a consultation (it wasn’t necessary, it was her micromanaging another service I was receiving) that I refused because my insurance wouldn’t cover it.  If she did it anyway and bills me, she can bite me.   Looks like tomorrow should be the last installment of this soap opera.

Doc Crazy fan club*

Wednesday, April 9th, 2008

Turns out it isn’t just me. A couple of local people found my blog in the past day or 2. I’ve received several emails wondering if Doc Crazy might have been their nightmare doctor as well. Surprise, surprise – she is. I think we should start a little club. The women I’ve heard from stuck with her and had horrible L&D (or I should say c-section because that’s all she seems to do) stories as a result. So I count myself lucky for leaving before I have to remember her as part of my baby’s birth story. Now she can fade into a funny story I tell at play dates – once I’m done being bitter of course.

Thanks to everyone out there for the support. It is always nice to know your peeps have your back – even if just in thought.

* Updated to add:  Now Doc Crazy doesn’t want to give me my records.  I called and asked the med tech to make a copy for me to pick up on Friday morning.  She called back today and said Doc Crazy wants me to fax a release and the info for my new doc and they will mail it directly there.  Nope.  I informed her that wasn’t acceptable.  The records are mine.  I am legally entitled to them and I would be there to pick them up on Friday.  If Friday isn’t convenient, I can wait until Monday morning.  The med tech nervously told me she would have to check with the doctor.  I told her that was fine but I would see her on Friday.

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Spring has sprung here in Nashville. Today is supposed to be mid-70′s but it is rainy this morning. Sabrina doesn’t care. She wants to go out and play anyway. Perhaps she heard that it is supposed to drop 25 degrees this weekend.

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The continuing saga of Doc Crazy

Tuesday, April 8th, 2008

First, I don’t have issues with all doctors – just my OB.  I took Sabrina to her 18 month appointment yesterday and was reminded of how much I love her pediatrician.  I have a little non-romantic crush on him because I am so tired of battling my own doctor and he is everything a doctor should be.  Interested but not in a stalker kind of way.  Kind.  Warm.  Informative without threatening death.  Anyway, Miss Sabrina continues to be a little peanut.  I was shocked to find she was only 21 pounds.  I was sure she was in the neighborhood of 24 (actually by the end of some days she feels like 54 lbs).  Her doctor wasn’t concerned because her height and weight are proportionate and still on the charts.  She was declared healthy and seemingly well adjusted.  I will continue to see him for both Sabrina and the new baby despite the fact it will be 25 miles from the new house.

On to the (hopefully) last chapter of my Doc Crazy story.  I canceled my appointment with her last Wednesday because something came up.  It is the first appointment I have ever canceled.  Her office called at the time my appointment was to have occurred to inquire why I canceled (umm…none of your business) and when I would reschedule.  I decided to find another OB and made an appointment with that office.  This week I intended to call and get a copy of my file – officially completing the break up.

Last night in the mail, I received a letter (dated the day I canceled the appointment) from her listing all of the ways I’ve been non-compliant and threatening to break up with me first.  I was livid.  She was basically saying that I’ve been purposefully endangering my baby.  The things she listed were ridiculous.  She said I refused the cerclage.  Not true.  I simply wanted to discuss it before I let her sew me shut.  She told me to go home and research it and we would discuss it at my next appointment.  She never brought it up again so I thought she had decided it wasn’t indicated.  She stated I refused the amniocentsis.  Again not true.  I consented to it but before doing so I told her I wanted to discuss the risk and the procedure and her reasons for wanting to do it.  She gave me a very brief explanation and I told her that if she felt it was necessary I would consent.  She said I have continued unaddressed high blood pressure.  Not true.  In her office my readings are always high (gee, wonder why).  At her insistence, I bought a home BP monitor.   I took it 3 times a day for a month.  Each and every reading was below normal.  I then backed down to once a day.  Each and every reading has been below normal.  At my last appointment, the reading in her office was again high.  She looked at the chart of my home readings, sighed, and said that she had to believe what was right before her eyes – meaning she was calling me a liar and stating she believed her readings were correct and mine were manufactured.  That was really the last straw for me.  Her last instance of non-compliance was my refusal for weekly appointments and then when they attempted to “compromise” with me by making them bi-weekly I then canceled an appointment.

I can’t even describe my anger last night.  It was probably disproportionate but honestly I felt like I was being likened to a pregnant woman who is smoking, drinking, and doing crack.  I have done everything this crazy lady has asked of me but I guess my audacity at wanting to discuss decisions and be a participant in my own care makes me non-compliant.  I wrote a letter addressing each point she made and faxed it over this morning.  I also called and told the med tech to copy my chart and have it ready for me to pick up on Friday morning.   I am so glad I had already decided to make the break.


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