First, Sabrina and Tessa received some more love from blog world last week.  Kelly sent these darling name plaques.  Check out her etsy shop…all of these talented people in blog land!  Thanks Kelly – it was so sweet of you to think of my girls!

Second, Sabrina wants you all to know that she watched the premier of Project Runway with mommy last week and is now on the cutting edge of fashion:

Shorts on your head and mommy’s crocs are what all of the fashion forward toddlers are wearing today.  She suggests pulling the shorts down over your eyes and walking around running into walls as a way to add fun to your day.

I have been trying to imagine what it will be like to finally see Tessa’s face. But even more than that, I’ve been trying to imagine watching Steve seeing Tessa’s face. Those thoughts bring joy but also have lead to the sudden realization that I am suddenly going to have to share Tessa. She has been all mine for all of this time. Only I can speak to her activity level or guess at her mood. I am the only one with a concrete connection to her. But soon, I have to share her with the world. I’m having mixed feelings about that. I like her being all mine but I also can’t wait to share her with Steve.

With Sabrina it was different. We had photos and couldn’t wait to show them off. Then we had stories from our visits and couldn’t wait for everyone to meet her and love her as much as we did. I had a few mixed feelings about sharing her after I fostered for 2 months but it was so much work being a single mom during that time that mostly I was thankful and excited to share the workload. Yes, it was hard letting Steve take over the dinner and bedtime routines that I had developed with her but at the same time it meant that I could sit down and relax.  It also meant I had someone to share the wonderful moments of watching our daughter laugh or sleep or make silly faces.

And speaking of Sabrina and sharing, I am feeling a little sad that it won’t be just her and me anymore.  She has been my side kick, my buddy, my constant companion for over a year now.  I am sad that our relationship will inevitably change as a result of it becoming a threesome.  I know change is often a positive thing – I just fear losing some of our bond and our closeness.

None of this makes me any less excited to not be pregnant any more to meet Tessa.  And none of this makes me feel any less blessed to find myself having our second daughter soon and contemplating what a second child means to our family.  A “dilemma” I wasn’t sure we would ever have the joy of facing.  Just the rambling thoughts of a hormonal mind.

I saw my doctor again today and had another ultrasound.  All is okay.  Blood pressure was okay.  I am 1cm dilated but the doctor seems to think I will make it until the 29th.  My amniotic fluid is a bit high but she didn’t seem concerned by that.

I haven’t been feeling so great the last couple of days.  No new complaints (tired, achy, retaining enough water to irrigate the crops of a 3rd world desert village) – just a general malaise.  (One of the nurses today commented that I looked tired.  I laughed at her and told her I haven’t had a good night sleep in 3+ months but thanks for pointing that out.)  I am guessing this is the wall that all pregnant women seem to hit at some point – the one where labor and delivery stops sounding scary and starts sounding like a relief.  My doctor says the high amniotic fluid is probably part of the reason for my not feeling so great. I think it is just a combo of being 9 1/2 months pregnant and almost 36 years old.  But, I tell myself how blessed we are to be at this point and remind myself it is only 12 more days.

Some one asked about plans for Sabrina during Tessa’s arrival.  Assuming things stay on schedule, Abuela is excited to come and spend some time with Sabrina so Steve and I can focus on Tessa’s arrival.  If things don’t stay on schedule, there is no plan B so let’s not go there.

I’ve been reminded that I am neglecting your needs for some Sabrina cuteness so here goes!

A little peek-a-boo cuteness:

Still working on our spoon skills. She insists on turning it upside down as she brings it to her mouth.

She turns everything into an ice cream cone these days.  Can’t imagine where she would learn about ice cream with me as a mom.

She is a complete daddy’s girl. When Steve is home, it is “Mommy who?”:

She brings her “laptop” and chair over next to mommy’s and plays while I finish my blog reading or writing (if she happens to eat faster than I read which is rare).

Modeling 1 of the 2 pairs of shoes that currently fit mommy’s swollen feet:

Many of you have asked what she thinks about Tessa’s upcoming arrival.  To be honest, she has no idea what is happening.  She will pat my stomach and say “baby” if we talk about Tessa or her baby sister so she makes that connection.  But she really doesn’t understand what it all means.

Cute story though – Sabrina was lying with her head on my stomach on the couch one afternoon.  Tessa kicked really hard right where Sabrina’s head was.  It startled Sabrina and made her start crying.  And so the sisterly shenanigans start in utero…

Stage 1: Excitement

In this stage, the pregnant person in question (from here on out referred to as the preggo) makes a trip to a maternity store with her mom or BFF to strap on the fake belly and try on maternity wear. Though giggling and having fun, she doesn’t really believe that she will ever require that much fabric to cover her ass belly. She buys a few things and secretly tries them on at home every weekend while stuffing a pillow under her shirt, marveling at the sheer volume of fabric.

Stage 2: Denial

While there is some excitement to wear some of the new maternity wear for some outward manifestation of all that is happening inside of the preggo, there is a prideful streak demanding that she must continue to wear her regular clothes for as long as possible. It doesn’t matter that the moment she steps in the house, she changes into sweatpants and a big t-shirt because she can’t breath anymore in her regular clothes – the point is that she can still fit into her jeans.

Stage 3: Grudging acceptance

Finally, the need for comfort overrides vanity. Either fat clothes or small maternity clothes start making it into the wardrobe rotation. The preggo will often grab the excess fabric and tell her husband how ridiculous she looks but that nothing else is comfortable anymore. Despite some annoyance over her less than fashionable feeling, the preggo is loving the elastic waistbands that allow her to breath again! She will spend time each day struggling to come up with a comfortable and still somewhat stylish wardrobe choice. She worries that people will think she is fat rather than pregnant.

Stage 4: Surprise

Suddenly, the preggo realizes that the maternity clothes don’t look quite so ridiculous anymore. Did that bump appear overnight? It wasn’t there yesterday! The preggo is proud to show off her bump now that it is more obvious her new girth wasn’t just a result of too many pasta with cream sauce dinners. The maternity wear fits pretty well during this stage and the preggo works to continue to feel pretty while pregnant.

Stage 5: Disbelief

One day the preggo realizes that those shirts she used to think were ridiculously big are getting a little snug. How is that possible? Did they shrink in the dryer? Last week, they fit just fine. The preggo can’t believe that she could be outgrowing her maternity wear.

Stage 6: Anger

The preggo’s maternity wardrobe keeps shrinking as she finds more items that no longer fit her very pregnant self. She is on the fence about adding some additional pieces or just muddling through the next 2 months because she doesn’t want to buy anymore maternity wear. She is secretly convinced that she can’t possibly get any larger at this point because there is no room in her abdomen left for growth. At this point, fashion has gone out the window as has comfort (because comfort is only found in clothing items the preggo wouldn’t wear outside of the house). The preggo is looking for items that fit and things that sort of match.

Stage 7: Apathy

This stage is characterized by the maternity wardrobe consisting of 3 bottoms and 2 tops that fit reasonably well. The preggo’s criteria for getting dressed each day is does it cover the belly completely (she wonders when all of her shirts got so short)? If yes, does it at least not clash horribly? If so, the preggo wears it. There is no thought to fashion or even looking good. It is all about covering the enormous belly and getting through the day.

Yes, I am really going to spend an entire post ranting writing about trying to buy Tessa a dresser. My blog = my ramblings. This is what my life has been reduced to – obsessing over a dresser.

I have been searching for a dresser for Tessa for 4 months. We are trying to be a bit frugal so going out and buying a new one was a last resort. (My husband is completely out of touch with reality when it comes to furniture prices. He doesn’t blink at $1000 for computer equipment but $300 for a furniture item makes him clutch his chest.) There were a couple at Ikea that would have worked logistically and financially but the closest Ikea is Atlanta and the cost of driving 3 hours in the big SUV and the angst a day trip to Ikea would have caused Steve would have lessened the savings. (I swear he moved me to a state with no Ikea on purpose.) The cost of having it shipped was prohibitive. So I’ve been scouring consignment shops and visiting Craig’s List daily. The only criteria were that it be the right height to also serve as a changing table, that the drawers slide easily, and that it wasn’t butt ugly (if slightly ugly I was willing to paint it and change the hardware).

I don’t know how some of these flakes on Craig’s List ever sell anything. I bought Tessa’s crib on Craig’s List – it was a relatively painless process. I inquired about several. Found one that was still available and priced decently, went to see it, bought it. The Dresser Quest has been a different story. I have emailed about no fewer than 25 dressers. I didn’t hear back from the majority. I usually assumed it was already spoken for – no biggie. Some I heard back from and tried to set up a time to go and see the item then never heard from them again. Some would never answer questions. Some would only follow through to a point. Apparently no one wanted to close the deal.

One person who I had emailed and never heard back from reposted the item 5 days later with a nasty note about people setting up times to come and see the item and not showing up. So I emailed him again and said I had tried but never heard from him. He emails me back and says sorry – can you come tonight? It was already after 7pm and I was putting Sabrina to bed and he lived 30 miles away. When I said no I couldn’t come that night, I never heard back from him. Another woman had a really cute little dresser that had been hand-painted with decorations. It would have been adorable in a kid’s room. I emailed her and asked how tall it was. She emailed me back and asked how tall I was. Not really the point. I emailed her back and said I wanted to use it as a changing table so if she could give me an idea of its height, I would appreciate it. Never heard back from her. It’s been re-listed 4 times since my original exchange with her. Another man emailed me a week after I had inquired and not heard back from him. He said he had a sale that fell through – was I still interested. I emailed back less than an hour later saying I was. Never heard back from him. The last person had arranged a date and time with me. I had committed to buying it on the spot assuming the drawers were in good shape. The price was good and I was getting desperate so at that point as long as the bottoms of the drawers weren’t falling out, I would make it work. I was waiting for directions to her house – never heard back from her.

I told Steve I was done with Craig’s List. Our options were Ikea or a local furniture consignment shop. He suggested we hit the garage sales. I laughed and asked if he understood what he was saying. That meant getting up at 6:30am on Saturday morning and driving all over the place hoping we found a sale selling a decent dresser. He didn’t think that sounded like much fun. Last weekend, I dragged him to the furniture consignment shop. SUCCESS!

Not bad looking so no work on my part, sturdy, perfect height, and didn’t make my husband clutch his chest when he saw the price tag. It also has a bookcase hutch top which we will reattach when we are finished with the changing table needs. At the moment it is in her closet serving as extra storage shelves.

I’ve washed all of her tiny little clothes (was Sabrina ever that small?) and it is all neatly awaiting Tessa’s arrival home.

There were a lot of people who helped me get through our adoption process with some semblance of sanity.  I met many of these people in blog world and had the pleasure of meeting some in person later on.  Steve was just marveling last week at some of the amazing friendships I’ve developed that started on my blog.

Yesterday, the doorbell brought a big box of love from one group of women who were there during some good and some not so good times of our process.  We have supported and cheered each other via email for over a year and 1/2 now.  To them, I say many thanks and send much love.  Despite only having met a couple of them in person and despite each of them being busy with things going on in their own lives, they sent us a baby shower in a box.  Thanks Sig, Tricia, Angie, Lisa, and Gibb!

There is a baby doll for each girl.  Sabrina saw me unwrap the dolls and has been walking around the house mournfully saying “baby” ever since.  (I decided to hold on to it until we bring Tessa home.)  I sometimes miss the days that out of sight meant out of mind for her!  And another little matching outfit set for a photo op full of adorable.  And toys and books and sleepers and receiving blankets lotion and binkies and a gift card for Babies R Us – I was in tears before I even got the items open.  It was just such a lovely surprise and completely made my day!

And while I’m being mushy, let me also just send out a general thank you to everyone who stops by here daily or weekly or every once in awhile.  I’ve really loved having this wonderful cheering section for the past 9 months – through my miscarriage announcement and then retraction, through my neurotic refusal to believe this pregnancy would have a successful outcome, through my doc crazy dramas, and now through the minutia of the last days of pregnancy.  All of you cheering me on and being excited about this pregnancy has been wonderful. Thank you for joining me on this ride.

I love making this in the summer because it is easy and I don’t have to heat up the kitchen if I grill it. I throw the steak in the marinade before bed and then the next evening, I throw together a side dish and dinner is ready. And it tastes fabulous.

Flank Steak Teriyaki

1 flank steak

1/2 cup soy sauce

1/2 cup brown sugar

1 clove garlic

2 teaspoons ginger

1/2 teaspoon black pepper

Dump it all in a gallon size ziplock and refrigerate. Marinate 8 – 24 hours. Grill or broil to desired doneness. Slice very thin and serve.

Yes, still knocked up.

For those who emailed wondering if they whisked me off to have Tessa today – nope.  My blood pressure was better today so it looks like we are on for the 29th.  And all of the contractions I’ve been having have had no effect on my cervix – still zipped up tight.

The fun part of being this pregnant is watching people.  No one wants to ride in an elevator with me (we’ve all seen several movies or tv shows where the elevator gets stuck and the woman goes into labor).  But everyone holds doors and sometimes (like at the ice cream shop the other day) people let me jump in front of them in line.  Male clerks at stores seem to fear me – they seem afraid that I might randomly scream at them because one of their kind did this to me so they quickly help me and then scurry off.  I see women mummer to their husbands or each other about how I must be about due and how uncomfortable I must be in this heat.  It all just makes me laugh.

About 6 weeks ago, new family moved in next door.  I’ve met the woman and their young daughter – both seem very nice.  But some how, without any effort or participation on our part, we’ve become engaged in a passive-aggressive lawn struggle with them.

The majority of lawns in our subdivision are fenced.  Our neighbor’s is one of the few that isn’t.

I don’t know if you can see, but he has been leaving an 18 inch strip of grass/weeds in his back yard.  He has decided, for some unknown reason, that our lawn extends about 18 inches beyond our fence.  He hasn’t mentioned it to us.  We haven’t said anything to him.  It doesn’t bother us because we don’t see it – it is outside our fence.  (He rents like we do so it isn’t like he had the property surveyed prior to moving in.)  My thought has been if he does say something, I will offer to take my 9 month pregnant butt out and do 1 swipe with the lawn mower and then inform him that we will be encouraging our dog to poop in that strip of “our” lawn which happens to be about 3 feet from his kids’ swing set and kiddie pool.

Moral:  The pregnant lady is cranky and has lots of time to think up passive-aggressive retaliation while propping her feet up to prevent cankles so just back away slowly.