Michelle Smiles

Teaching my children to question authority, except mine.

Referral Mania – Bring it on

August19

I’ve been so good during our wait for a referral. Monday will be 4 weeks. I haven’t really complained or whined much have I? I haven’t gotten too worked up about it because I knew we were so far down on the list. There have been 11 referrals so far in our 4 week wait. That means we have moved up on the list. Because of the formula our agency uses, some people have jumped ahead of us – it isn’t a static list – but we have moved up. (If someone is open to gender, they immediately go to the front of the line when they are paper ready. And if someone requests a specific gender and has a child of the opposite gender already, they also move ahead of childless couples who have requested a specific gender. That last one I don’t really see the logic of but it’s not my place to question such things.) By my best guess, we are somewhere around #6 or 7. My best guess doesn’t factor in any people in our agency who don’t use the message board so there is definitely a large margin of error.

Because I know we are getting toward the time for our referral, I am starting to get a bit antsy. I’m having the urge to start on the nursery and start some serious shopping. And I’m daydreaming about getting The Call and then calling friends and family to tell them about our daughter. I’m imagining a time when I can think of myself as a mommy and not feel like a fraud when I visit the baby section in stores. I’m trying to envision her face. I’m contemplating a time when I can say “my daughter” without feeling like giggling because it seems surreal. We have dreamed of having a child for so long. And we’ve worked for 5 months to get to this point. I still have days when I am sure it will never happen. That we are kidding ourselves. Guess I’m waiting for the adoption equivalent of another miscarriage.

Referrals have come on Sundays the last few times but I haven’t heard any rumors of referrals for this weekend. (They don’t have to come on Sunday, it has just happened that way.) I know we won’t be in the next batch of referrals so I’m not going crazy yet. But I can feel it starting. Once the next set of referrals is given and we are really close, I will start to go slowly insane. Fair warning for all of you in blog land. It won’t be pretty.

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