I hear moms talk about how they treasure that quiet time in the middle of the night when their babies wake up.  It is just the 2 of them.  They cuddle.  They rock.  They say they love that time.  My confession?  I don’t love it.  I need sleep to function.  Sabrina decided she had to be held between 4 and 6:30 am.  Nothing but being held would do.  I don’t find that a warm and fuzzy time of our day.  I get cranky and frustrated.  I don’t understand why she will sleep if I hold her but freak out if I try to put her down in her crib or even down in my bed with me.  (I’m not looking for an explanation – she is a baby.  I understand that.)  I get spoiled because she usually sleeps through the night.  This morning, I told her she was driving me crazy and told her to just go back to sleep.  I told her that I didn’t want to rock her – that I wanted to go back to sleep.  (Of course I did continue to rock her.)  No she doesn’t understand my words but she can hear in my tone that I’m not saying warm fuzzy mommy things.  I finally got her back to sleep and then I couldn’t sleep because I felt so guilty.  I felt so inadequate.  I hate that I get frustrated.  I hate that I can’t just look at her sweet face and forget about that fact that I am so tired I can’t see straight.  I hate that I can’t remember that this time when she is small is so short and someday I will wish she would let me rock her.  Is there a point where we give up the mommy guilt and start feeling like we are good enough for this mommy job?  Because I feel like I am failing miserably today.