Michelle Smiles

Teaching my children to question authority, except mine.

Where is my Northerner In The South handbook?

April5

Okay…I heard you all loud and clear.  I need to shut up and pull over when I see a funeral procession.  I need my North to South handbook some days.  Things I’ve learned so far:

1.  Meat & 3 = some sort of cured, fried, or baked meat with 3 veggies (veggies meaning mac & cheese, mashed potatoes, green beans with bacon, corn, applesauce, etc).

2.  Women are expected to look well groomed at all times in public.  This includes lipgloss or lipstick.  Men are considered well groomed if they are wearing a shirt.

3.  Shorts are for the beach or the back yard not the grocery store even when it is 106 degrees.

4.  The threat of snow is enough to close schools.

5.  Turn signals are for uptight Northerners.

6.  The standard ‘slower traffic keep right’ rule doesn’t apply here.

7.  When ordering iced tea, you must be very clear on wanting it ‘unsweet’.

8.  “Bless your heart” isn’t always meant as a nice thing.  Sometimes it means the person thinks you are dumb as a stump or incredibly rude but they are too polite to say so.

9.  Church is serious business down here.  There are many.  They are large.  And they are so well attended that many require police men to direct traffic before and after services.

10.  People don’t complain about the heat until the asphalt has reached an almost liquid consistency but they will complain about the cold once it dips below 50.

Just so we are clear, I ignore much of what I have learned but I will pull over for funeral processions if that is how people show their respect here.

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Now a little weekend cuteness.  Sabrina received this caterpillar from Aunt Rusty and Uncle Mike for Christmas.  She was a little small for it then.  We brought it back out and she is still a bit on the small side but has discovered it has a much better use than riding.

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Running into and over the puppy.

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posted under nashville
21 Comments to

“Where is my Northerner In The South handbook?”

  1. On April 5th, 2008 at 12:54 pm Liz Says:

    Glad to know you’re starting to see things in a Southern light! We don’t know any different. We aren’t all redneck hicks like a lot of Northerners think we are…we are just more laid back than most. This of course also means that shoes are optional. 🙂

  2. On April 5th, 2008 at 2:25 pm Ashley J Says:

    I am SOOO laughing! But you know that for this southern girl the shorts rule does not apply… I bought 2 more pairs today and cannot WAIT to get them on… and just so you know, I was not a big tea drinker at all until I met my husband and his family, and then I had no idea that UN-sweet was even an option.

    I checked out that worm thing for E… that thing is cute… and so is the sweet thing on it.

  3. On April 5th, 2008 at 3:45 pm MizFit Says:

    LOVE the bless your heart one.

    So true.

    oh, and as usual I love sabrinas FACE.

    her expressions are priceless.

  4. On April 5th, 2008 at 5:30 pm Cindy Says:

    Funny Stuff!! I had a roommate from S. Carolina and she would NOT step foot outside of the dorms without being done up just right…it made this born and raised Western girl crazy 🙂

  5. On April 5th, 2008 at 7:24 pm Bobbi Says:

    Ok, if I come to the South I will follow your rules. WOW!! Who knew???? They should leave a handbook in the rentals.

    That poor dog——–and another partner in crime on the way!!

  6. On April 5th, 2008 at 8:55 pm Tera Says:

    Sabrina is sooooooooooo cute!!

    I giggled at this post. I almost died in the Atlanta airport when I went to get a bite to eat…some folks tried to convince me that mac n cheese is a SALAD…LOL!!

    And, today in Minnesota, it was barely 60 and there were plenty of people walking around in shorts and t’shirts…LOL.

    Have a great week and God bless.

  7. On April 6th, 2008 at 12:33 am Samantha Says:

    i’m not sure i’ve ever even met anyone actually from the south, but i’ll watch out the next time i hear someone say “bless your heart!” thanks for the heads up.

    we’ve got the same thing here in oregon as tera in minnesota…it hits 55 or 60 and people are walking around in shorts and flip flops.

    and one last comment: HOLY FLASHBACK on the inchworm. didn’t everyone have one of those (in the early 70s?)

  8. On April 6th, 2008 at 4:27 am teri Says:

    What a beautiful smile Sabrina has. She sure is cute!!!!

  9. On April 6th, 2008 at 4:47 am Megan Says:

    I too am new to the South. When I say new I’m really 10 years into the sentence but still not quite acclimated. It takes some getting used to. Everything you said is absolutely true. Especially the sweet tea thing. I still can’t drink that syrupy mess they call tea.

  10. On April 6th, 2008 at 7:24 am melany Says:

    Ok – I have to admit… I never really noticed the shorts thing (like not wearing them to the grocery store, etc.) Have people been giggling at my daisy dukes as I go pick up my kids from daycare?! LOL I’m kidding (about the daisy dukes) but I am going to have to watch more now.

  11. On April 6th, 2008 at 8:32 am Soltana Says:

    TOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!! You just crack me up!!!

  12. On April 6th, 2008 at 8:35 am karen Says:

    I just wouldn’t make it in the South. No shorts at the grocery store? The only chance I get to dress down is on the weekend and I’m gonna take advantage of it.

  13. On April 6th, 2008 at 12:18 pm artsweet Says:

    I think you need to write that book.

    All of the things you mentioned are reasons why you will never catch me south of the Mason Dixon line for longer than necessary… Supermarkets are for sweatpants, baby.

  14. On April 6th, 2008 at 1:56 pm TNKerry Says:

    Just be a fashion rebel (like me). This southern girl thinks dressing up to go to the grocery store is ridiculous, petty and vain. Comfort rules my fashion checklist.
    Love the rule book.

  15. On April 6th, 2008 at 2:50 pm Burgh Baby's Mom Says:

    All this time I thought my very Southern step MIL was being sweet when she said “Bless your heart.” Thanks to you, I’m on to her now.

  16. On April 6th, 2008 at 6:28 pm Steph Says:

    Also, on the bless your heart note: Southerners also will insult someone then end it with a “bless his/her heart”. Kind of like a turd wrapped in a snuggly blanket. For example:

    “She is the dumbest, laziest woman I’ve ever met, bless her heart.” Or “He is uglier than sin and smells bad, bless his heart.”

    Almost like the poor soul can’t help it, bless their heart.

  17. On April 6th, 2008 at 10:34 pm Busy Mom Says:

    Cute pictures, I had forgotten all about the Inchworm!!

  18. On April 8th, 2008 at 11:41 am Melissa Says:

    Hi- I just found your blog. I moved to the South from Seattle 6 years ago. Learned the hard way, too. Have you heard of “bush hogging” yet? =) Anyway, I’ve been all over your blog already, and I love it! Thanks!

  19. On April 12th, 2008 at 12:00 pm karla ~ looking towards heaven Says:

    Bless your heart! what an adjustment! ;0)

    These are all so so true – Sean and I often discuss the fact that no one uses turn signals. And also, upon moving here, I told him that he would see women accessorized like never before. They believe in accessories down here.

  20. On April 12th, 2008 at 10:41 pm Ruth Ann Says:

    Oh my gosh, I am laughing so hard I am crying, “bless my heart!” Your daughter is beautiful!

  21. On April 15th, 2008 at 12:55 pm Laurie Says:

    Sabrina is ADORABLE! I am gettin’ a kick out of your 10 things you have learned! I’m in AR and for many, sweat pants IS dressed up! 🙂 Lots of people can’t merge either, unless they are in a big city like Dallas!

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