We’ll try again in November
Albert Einstein supposedly said “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”
Call me crazy. I haven’t been to the mall since the last incident in November. I thought perhaps since 6 months had passed I might be able to expect a better experience. I was wrong. I have a gift card and thought I might buy myself a summer top or two. I made it into the mall, found the store, put my fingers on the first garment that caught my eye and it started. Tessa began to sob. I don’t mean her happy Screaming Mimi sounds. I don’t mean fuss. I don’t mean cry. I mean all out, heart wrenching, making people look at me like I am a horrible mother sobs. Her face was all mottled red. Tears were streaming. Breath was hiccuping. Big blue eyes were turned up toward me beseeching release from the hell known as the back seat of the stroller. We were birth control on wheels. We left the store. I got her out. The crying stopped immediately. Every single time her butt hit the stroller the sobbing began and the second I removed her it stopped. Weird because she normally doesn’t mind the stroller at all. I admitted defeat and we left the mall. I hate letting children win in a battle of wills.
P.S. To the sweet salesgirl who tried to help by offering to hold her so I could look around…when a mom tells you that her child doesn’t like strangers, won’t got to strangers, and the mom makes no motion to hand you the child yet you keep reaching for said child? It stops being sweet and helpful and starts feeling Lifetime movie-ish. But thanks.
P.S.S. To the kiosk guy – quit sniffing your jewelry cleaning solution. When you see a mom trying to steer a huge honking double stroller with one hand while carrying a baby in the other hand don’t ask her if she has time to stop and answer a few questions. And when she kindly says “no” instead of screaming “are you f*cking kidding me?!?” don’t smirk and say “Bad day?” because you might just find this big honking stroller parked in your ass.
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On a completely unrelated note, I’m not sure what their crime was but I think she is making an example of them. This is what I found when I went to get Sabrina up from her nap:
Just when I needed a good laugh, you came through for me.
Do you think that maybe our husbands have some secret society where they teach our kids to scream and yell whenever we walk into a store to shop? I think we need to do an investigation!
Poor Pooh Bear, what did he do to deserve that. Maybe Sabrina was pretending the bunny was the jewelry sniffer and Pooh was the big honking stroller.
“I’m not sure what the crime was but I think Sabrina is making an example out of them.”
I love this line and I’m LOL!
You poor thing. You should’ve hit him with the stroller!
When I shopped with babies, mine never sat in the stroller either. Usually it was me carrying a kid, pushing the stroller. The stroller is awesome for piling up bags though (assuming Tessa ever lets you get to that point!) Poor you. Don’t give up. Try again when she can feed herself snacks.
Tessa is definitely getting some bribes from her dad…
I think you have enough material to create a very funny sitcom. It’d be a hit!
“birth control on wheels” LOL LOL LOL.
I admire that you keep on trying lol!
I read this over lunch and had a good laugh. Then, well, I decided to take my little one to the mall. I immediately thought of you…big mistake. He was throwing towels in the aisle, going behind the cash register counter, managed to take the thin cover off the credit card slider machine, and then screamed when the “nice” retail clerk tried to talk to him. I sure hope I like my new curtains that I had to order because they didn’t even have them at the store.
You have really got to teach those girls to love shopping more!!!
Oh, and thank you for the good laughs!! I know they are just doing their jobs, but it is so obvious when they don’t have children, isn’t it??
Sabrina still naps?? Lucky you!!
Thank you for a much needed laugh:)
Is it wrong that I’m laughing at your expense???
And don’t get me started on those damn jewelry and nail kiosks. They all have the same line and it makes me want to lose my mind even when I’m having a good day. I will go to the other side of their kiosk to get past them and they chase me down. I think I would have rammed my big ass honking stroller up their butt!
Steve needs to take a day off so you can go to the mall, then hit the spa to get a massage, pedi AND mani. While you’re at it, take yourself out for lunch with a girlfriend and have a glass of wine before 2. Hmmmm, mother’s day IS coming up…perhaps he could make you one of those handmade coupon books?
That was Ben to the T. I just always brought the double in case he fell asleep…(and I agree, you can fit a lot of shopping bags in there) but I always wore him in the mei tai. It was just easier to assume that he was going to throw a fit and try to prevent it.
Oh Michelle, I am so sorry but your writing always gives me a chuckle. I feel for you. I just quit trying!
Have a very wonderful and special Mother’s Day.
I read this post a few days ago and got the biggest kick out of Sabrina making an example of her toys…then last night I walked in to check on Lily and I found that she had done the same thing with her Cinderella doll!! Before I even realized it I was thinking “man I wonder what she did!” LOL I wonder if she was reading over my shoulder again!
I hope you had a wonderful Mother’s Day!