Point of clarification
Thank you all for the support on my attachment post. I just want to clarify. I don’t think I’m a bad mom. And I don’t think that the things I did (letting her play in exersaucer or highchair while I got some things done) were wrong or inappropriate. They just weren’t working for Tessa. It might be her personality – she tends to be slightly higher maintenance than Sabrina. It might be that things changed too swiftly and make her feel insecure. Whatever the reason, it wasn’t working. It damaged her attachment to me. And yes, I’ve been known to overreact all the damn time now and then. But I trust both my clinical experience and my mommy radar – something is amiss.
Tessa has been physically attached to me for much of the past 48 hours. I am already seeing some improvement in eye contact and less pulling away when I pick her up. I will continue Attachment 101 until things feel right again. And then I will find ways that work for Tessa to put her down a little more so that I can return to eating, exercising, and showering.
I also just want to assure all of you that while I don’t think I am a bad mom, I have no desire to be Super Mom or Uber Mom or Helicopter Mom. I will never cheat during a pre-school game so that my child can win (someone Twittered about seeing another mom do this in her daughter’s class). I will likely drop my kids off at pre-school wearing sweatpants and a baseball cap on many days (I can see some of my Southern readers nervously fingering their pearls over that declaration). I will help my children pick out boxed Valentine’s at Target (they will be cute I swear but I’m not cutting up doilies to make the damned things). I will encourage my children to try new activities but I will not sign them up for every class and lesson available (all that chauffeuring would likely cut into my internet time). So yes, I worry about doing the right things and giving them the best foundation possible but I really have no aspirations to be perfect. A little better than good enough?
I’m totally breaking up with you if you buy their Halloween costumes at Walgreen’s, though.
*Looking for my pearls right now*
LOL – I often want to declare to all the moms at the kids school “I WORK FROM HOME!” because the days that I have to take them instead of my husband… I walk in there looking scary! They are all dolled up to go to work and I’m in a Red Sox hat and sweatshirt and ripped jeans. So not southern.
BUT – then I totally blow their minds with handmade Valentine’s. See what an enigma I am?!
😉
Michelle … you are so in tune with your girlies … and are so doing what is best for them and what you feel is right ….
Sabrina and Tessa are beyond blessed to have you as their mama!
Just the fact that you are so in tune to your kiddos makes you an awesome mom! Thanks for posting this. I have been thinking a lot about the attachment issue lately and thinking there are probably lots of things I should have done differently at the beginning. But, your post reminded me that it ebbs & flows as our kids grow and develop. We just have to stay in tune with our kids and trust our mama instincts.
You aren’t supposed to wear sweatpants and baseball caps when you drop your kid off at preschool? Good grief, I am such a frump.
They would freak if they found out I don’t even wear a bra to work. (Clarifying – yes, I do work out of my home…lol…)
My daughter picked out her Valentines at Target, but we hand decorated the treat bags. That gets me at least a B for effort 🙂
I am right there with you on the Valentine’s and we didn’t bake cookies to go with them either. We bough lolipops!!! and not every class, organization,and such as well. . You are so right. That stuff toatally interupts the internet!!
I am glad things are working better for you and Tessa. You know her better than anyone. If you think she needs it, she needs it.
Now, see, Steve, you moved that crib on our side of the bed and look what happened. It’s all his fault:>)
I’m with you on the Valentines, but good luck finding cute ones at Target. The only ones we could find this year were all t.v. show or product related– High School Musical, Bratz, Disney Princess. UGH! Okay, I know I’m a hundred years old, but didn’t they used to sell small, cute, generic, valentines with corny puns? Truly, the ones at Target and the drug store were godawful.
Ansley
Oh good, I call “Helicopter Mom”!
I think you rock – plain and simple –
LOL, great post. There are days that I just WANT TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE DAY!!!!! I’m right there with ya girl at Target buying the valentine thingys!