I’ve got a challenge for all of you out there. Most of us in adoption world are aware of Cheri and Erin – stuck in the bureaucracy of Guatemalan adoption and living in Antigua for the better part of a year already with no end in sight. We all say how horrible it is. We silently thank God or the fates or some other higher power that we aren’t stuck like that. We all wish there is something we could do.

Right now, this moment, this is something helpful you can do. The Department of State has been somewhat not supportive of Guatemalan adoptions (my theory is that they cause a little more work for them than other countries). The DOS issued a statement yesterday indicating that they are basically going to hang the families in process out to dry at the end of the year. This is our government stating they aren’t going to intervene on behalf of American citizens who entered into a good faith agreement with another country. Cheri explains the impact on her and other in process families on her blog.

So go read Cheri’s words. Write your senator. Call the DOS. Write the White House. Cheri provides all of the contact information on her blog. Don’t think that your 1 letter or call can’t make a difference – if this is important to you, SPEAK UP NOW.

According to several individuals on adoption.com, Gerry Fuller is the person assigned to the Guatemalan situation.  His email is: fullergw@state.gov

I can use nap time to write long emails expressing my displeasure with whoever has pissed me off currently. I had a post called I heart NPR a few months ago. Well, I’m not hearting NPR today (as usual I am a couple of days behind everyone else and just listened to the story). They did an incredibly lopsided story, basically only representing UNICEF’s views, on Guatemalan adoptions the other day on All Things Considered (you can find it here…there is a button to listen to the audio).  I am livid after hearing it.  I immediately sat down and wrote a very long email expressing my displeasure.

My main complaints? First, the UNICEF guy said that basically all you need to do is plop down $25 – 30K and you get a baby without any one looking at the family adopting or the family relinquishing.  Really?  Then what the f*ck was I doing with homestudies and gathering papers for 3 months and why did Sabrina not come home until she was 9 months old?  If all we have to do is write a check, why are Cheri and Erin still in limbo living in Antigua now?  I am sure they would be happy to write a check to get themselves home.  Second, there is no infrastructure in Guatemala to support these children (or the families if they would choose to keep them rather than putting them up for adoption) if they aren’t adopted. There is no public foster care system. The publicly funded hogars are as poverty stricken as the families who gave up the children. If UNICEF would quit mucking around in politics and help Guatemala put the infrastructure in place to keep these children in the country then I will applaud their efforts. Okay, I am preaching to the choir here so I’ll jump down from my soapbox.

At what you ask?  Being her normal, generous, giving self.  I so want to hang out with her – it is a shame we continually missed each other in Guatemala.

Tricia is asking for people to rally around a family that has adopted 7 (?!?) children.  The father has recently been diagnosed with cancer and the family could use some support.  Dad is an executive chef who has put together a cookbook – which you can get if you donate at least $13 and Tricia will be giving away some Starbuck’s gift cards as well.  So it is a win-win.  You get some fabulous recipes and maybe some free Starbuck’s all while supporting a family going through a rough time.  Click here to read more about it on Tricia’s blog. 

Tonight marks the 1 year anniversary of the phone call and email that changed our world.

Steve and I were just sitting on the back porch and I reminded him that right about that time (10:15pm) we were getting The Call last year.  Hard to believe it has already been a year…and hard to believe it has only been a year.  The referral wait was so hard – toward the end I had a bit of a meltdown.  The initial elation was greater than I ever anticipated.  Then we watched her get bigger in the photos and worried about what we were missing.  We planned our visits and kept guessing when she might be home.  I packed up and moved to Guatemala for the last 2 months.  She finally came home on June 5th.  What a wild ride the process was.  I met some wonderful women and made some amazing friends along the way.  Was it worth it?  Of course!  She is the light of my days.  Would I do it again?  If money wasn’t an issue and Guatemala wasn’t in such turmoil?  You bet.  But for now, I’m not worrying too much about #2…I’m just enjoying every day I get to spend with my daughter and hoping she doesn’t grow up too fast.

2 weeks old – Sept 06

3 months old – Dec 06; first meeting

Feb 07, 2nd visit trip, 5 months old

Antigua, May 07 – 7 months old

One year old – home Sept 07

the recent happenings in Guatemala surrounding adoptions (seizing control of a private hogar, arresting attorneys who work on adoptions, declaring that anyone involved in adoption is part of organized crime, etc.) check out this open letter to President Berger from the ADA. It was printed in the Guatemalan newspaper yesterday.

If you are a prayer, please send prayers for those in Guatemala fostering their children and for the babies at CQ which was raided last week. If you aren’t someone who prays, send some positive, hopeful thoughts their way. This is a scary time for those adopting from Guatemala. I hope things calm down after the elections next month. I am worried for my friends in Antigua. I am thankful that it isn’t us but feel guilty that Cheri and Erin and many others are still there. I can’t imagine how lonely and scary Antigua would be under the current circumstances.

I don’t get to listen to NPR often anymore because I’m not stuck on a bridge commuting to and from work. But I saw a link to these stories on a message board. It is series about adoption. If you have a few minutes, listen to the stories (the audio has more info than the written story). It is interesting. Also, Dr. Phil started a 2 days series yesterday on adoption scams. Three women who were scammed by the same person posing as a pregnant woman interested in placing her child have a chance to confront the woman. I saw the show yesterday and it had me near tears. I know the yearning they all feel for a child and I can’t imagine the heart ache. I know at least one of our friends out there in blog world has experienced something similar.

Sabrina is breaking my heart this week…she is growing up so fast! My baby has only been with me for 3 months and I want to freeze her at this age.  She is doing all sorts of new things this week.  She has started eating table food.  She has started pulling up to stand.  She is bonding more to Daddy, which is a good thing.  She is so busy now playing that she at times doesn’t want to stop and cuddle with Mommy – normally she was perfectly happy to stop any activity if it meant that she would be held by mommy.  I just feel like in a blink of an eye she won’t be my baby anymore.

Daddy’s attempt to get her to stop watching the fish behind them and look at the camera.

Pulling up on Mommy:

I kept topics light this weekend on my blog. I didn’t want to talk about how my weekend was really going. I figured I’ve whined enough already. I’ve only been working on this adoption for just over 5 months. Who am I to complain that this isn’t happening fast enough to suit me? I am blessed in so many ways, what am I whining about?

But this blog is, for me, about sharing the real experience of adoption with friends and family and strangers looking for information. You want to know the truth? The truth is that I am a mess. I’m not a mess because we don’t have a referral yet. That makes me sad but I’m okay with that for now. My emotional meltdown has to do with the fact that I’m starting to believe we may not get a referral until the new year. After 6 weeks on the waiting list, I think we are back to where we started when we initially went on the list. It has been 3 weeks since there were any girl referrals and in that time we’ve fallen further and further down the list. Tumbled would be a more accurate word. We’ve tumbled down the list.

In the grand scheme of my life, another 3 months until we have a child isn’t that big of a deal (of course this is simply the referral we are talking about – we then have about 6 months of Guatemalan process to wait though). But we chose Guatemala because of the relatively fast process (one of many reasons). You put your dossier together and then you get a referral. We chose our agency because they were good and they advertised no waiting list. No one ever told us that we would be continually bumped to the bottom of the list because the agency believes that childless couples should take what they get (i.e. not choose a gender). This infertility shit doesn’t come with many perks. But one of the few is if you choose to adopt, you can choose to adopt a girl if you wish.

So, my weekend? I cried on and off all weekend. I lost the ability to turn my head on Saturday due to a huge knot in my neck/shoulder. (Still haven’t completely regained it – made the drive into work exhilarating since I couldn’t really check my blind spot when changing lanes.) I had an anxiety attack on Sunday. I’ve only had an anxiety attack twice in my life – once I was in the middle of the ocean and perceived myself to be in danger, the second time I had a gun pointed at my head. Both times the fight or flight response seemed pretty rational. But none of this seems rational and I am feeling out of control. I hate being out of control.

I have no idea why all of a sudden this has crept up on me. Nothing has changed except my realization that as my agency accepts new clients and the waiting list continues to grow there will always be someone higher on the priority ladder. There will always be someone ahead of us. If I could envision a scenario where we reach the top of the list and get a referral in a reasonable length of time, I would bitch about the list but probably be okay emotionally. But I feel like I am hanging on by a very thin thread right now. I am powerless to change the situation and losing hope fast. I am angry that I feel this way. I am an incredibly strong woman. Why am I crumbling?

We had a long talk this weekend about switching agencies and using one whose waiting list goes sequentially in a straight forward manner. But the bottom line is we can’t afford to lose the $6000 we’ve already paid our agency. So, I guess we wait. And I try to get a grip. Thanks to my snarky girls who reassured me that I wasn’t completely insane this weekend.