I don’t like to re-arrange furniture. Partially because I am too damn lazy and partially because I put it where I liked it in the first place. It looks fine, leave it the chickenbus alone. Steve? Loves to move around the furniture. He has been inspired by the new carpet to re-arrange things. This wouldn’t be so bad if our entire house didn’t need access to various outlets and wires. He put the TV on the other side of the room. (Our living room is rather small and configured weird so it’s difficult to arrange.) That means that we have to string cable across the living room and hope that the wireless stuff for the TiVo still “sees” the router in the other room to get a signal. This configuration put the couch smack dab in front of the radiator and the large window. I’m concerned that will mean the room will feel colder (since the radiator is blocked) in the winter and the couch will fade from being in direct sun. He wanted to flip the family room around too but that would have meant his computer and the server have to find a home on the other side of the room where there are significantly fewer outlets.

I’ve noticed most people tend to fall into one camp or the other: mover or non-mover. My sister? Mover. She doesn’t tend to do the moving herself (she makes her hubby do it) but her living room is in a new configuration every time I visit. My mom? Non-mover. I remember the living room furniture being rearranged once in the first dozen years of my life – otherwise it all remained pretty much the same. My step mother would be a mover but my dad is a non-mover and gets really grumpy when she changes things. So which are you? Do you like something new or status quo?

It looks nice and is comfortable Steve’s way. Overall, I probably like it as well or better than the original set up. Still concerned about that radiator behind the couch though. (Pretend you don’t see the awful coffee table. It’s left from Steve’s bachelor days. It will be finding a new home soon.)

Wow! I need to write cryptic entries more often. I had 127 hits yesterday. I don’t think I’ve ever broken 100 before. Back to our regularly scheduled program.

We have a couple of friends in blog world who have been stuck in PGN for quite awhile and their fostering stays have extended well beyond what they ever anticipated. Holly and Gia have been stuck in PGN for over 100 days. Holly has been in Guatemala fostering for over 2 months. While she seems to be having fun (or faking it well in her posts), I am sure she is ready to get home already. And not to offend any of the other adorable babies out there, but Gia is the cutest baby EVER!

Emma and Carla have been stuck in PGN for over 4 months now. Carla has been in Guatemala fostering for over 2 months. While she is happy to be able to foster Emma, she wants to go home. Emma’s daddy, Chris, would really like them home too I am sure.

While exploring Antigua, Emma had a brush with a chicken bus. Literally, a chicken bus skimmed her head just the slightest bit. At a later time, Carla and Chris decided, as most new parents do, that they need to be more aware of their language. So they decided to replace all of the bad words in their vocabulary with chickenbus. Being the twisted individual I am I find this hysterical.

Chickenbus is a useful substitute. Much like the f-word, it can be used as a noun, a verb, an adjective or an interjection. Let me demonstrate:

Senor PGN is such a chickenbus.

They chickenbussed me over!

He is a chickenbussing pain in the chickenbus.

Chickenbus! That hurt.

Several of us have decided to adopt Chris and Carla’s new catch phrase. Perhaps this will start a trend in the international adoption world. If you are sitting in the Westin and overhear someone say “Oh chickenbus!” when they spill a little coffee, go over and say hi. Odds are it will be someone from blog world.

Bad things happen in the international adoption community.  We are all aware of that.  We all work very hard to avoid having those bad things happen to us.  We research, we read, we ask questions.  Bad things happen anyway. 

To all of those who have seen the ugly side of international adoption, my heart goes out to you.    

All I want is to have a family.  Simple enough, right?  Not so much these days.     

If this post seems rather cryptic, it is purposeful.    

**Seinfeld reference just to prove I haven’t completely lost my sense of humor.

I know the earlier entry was cryptic. (Geesh, did you all lose your decoder rings? It meant “Drink more Ovaltine”.) Thank you for your concern – I didn’t mean for any of you to worry about me. It wasn’t about me. My adoption is still moving forward and nothing has changed in my status to my knowledge.

On a happier note, there were 8 referrals at our agency this weekend so there are 8 very happy families out there.

On an even happier note, my friend Alleen practically sailed through the process (although I am sure it felt like a snail’s pace to her) and is OUT of PGN* and hoping to receive PINK** soon so she can go pick up her princess. She has agreed to take down a pre-referral Ziploc to Guatemala for us so it will be there waiting to go to our baby when we receive a referral. I put in a couple of onesies, a cute little dress, a little stuffed elephant that plays a tune and colorful links/keys that attach to a ring.

And on an ever happier note, it is wonderful to find out who your friends are in this scary internation adoption world! (You all rock!)

*PGN is the Guatemalan equivalent of the attorney general’s office. That office must do the final sign off on all adoption files.

**Pink is when you receive your embassy appointment to go pick up your baby’s visa and passport (issued on a pink slip hence the name). When you receive pink, all that is left is to go pick up your baby then take him or her HOME! (Well okay, that’s an over-simplification but you are home free then. Well not free, nothing is free in adoption-land. There is a fee for the visa and other things.)

Elle tagged me for this meme. It was harder than I thought to complete it.

I am….outspoken.
I want….to finish this adoption and get on with my life.
I wish….the world was a more peaceful place.
I hate…. my job and ignorant people – oh wait, that’s redundant.
I miss….summer vacation and spring break.
I hear…..my husband mowing the lawn.
I wonder….what some people are thinking when they get dressed in the morning.
I regret…..my smart ass tendencies when it hurts someone’s feelings.
I am not…..as tough as I pretend to be.
I dance….when no one is watching or I’m really drunk.
I sing….badly – usually in the car.
I cry…..when I am really angry or frustrated.
I am not always…..as patient as I should be.
I make…..my husband laugh.
I write…..like I talk.
I confuse…..my husband often.
I need…..more sleep.
I should…..exercise more.
I start…..a lot of crafty projects that I don’t finish.
I finish….every book I start (unless it doesn’t grab me in the first 30 pages).

I guess I have to tag others now. So I’ll nominate Jen, Kendra, Sig, and Stiletto.

Woohoo! It’s Friday! And I have appointments most of the day that will keep me out of the $&#^@#! office.

Still no news in the adoption world. Although there is a rumor that there are some referrals at my agency waiting for final paperwork before they make the calls so hopefully the list will get a little shorter early next week. And there have been a good number of PGN outs this week so some babies will finally be coming home!

I’ve mentioned I’m not really a theme kind of girl when it comes to decorating the nursery. I’ve been thinking about what to put on the walls (once we clean out the room and paint it). I finally decided I would enlarge and frame some photos I’ve taken. (The photo is out of focus…I had to stand on a chair and put the camera over the table to get them all in the photo so I didn’t have much control over it.) I think they will look nice and bright in there.

The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits (it cut my title off)

Today made the decision easy. I’m sending out a resume if something sounds interesting. Our baby will come home to a crazy lady if I stay around here much longer. I am just not wired the same way as these people. I have no patience for turf wars or power struggles. My whole personal agenda? To do a good job and help the maximum number of people possible. I have no delusions of grandeur or aspirations for power. There are always office politics to deal with. Once I figure them out, I am usually pretty adept at negotiating them with the least amount of hassle possible. But here, we have not just office politics but county politics – all of which trump the people we are all supposed to be working together to help. And people have been here for decades sharpening their claws.

This week? A minor personality conflict has escalated into a major drama. I disagreed with someone during the planning of an event. Here is the entire text of the email I sent in response to her drafting an agenda for the event that completely ignored the content of a conference call the week prior:

I still strongly disagree with involving X and Y. I believe it is not the appropriate venue to present Z.

But I see that you have disregarded my objections so I will simply ask if we have money in the budget to pay for their lodgings.

That’s what sparked this. I didn’t fling poo nor did I call her a f*cking b*tch (but I thought it) – I disagreed in a non-warm, non-fuzzy way. I intended the email to express my displeasure at the hour long discussion we had about this issue being ignored. It has become a federal case – she went whining to the director. We now all have to sit down together and talk it out. WHAT? Just because we don’t like each other shouldn’t mean that we can’t work together on this one project. I hate to make sweeping generalizations but men are much easier to deal with professionally than women.

Today is August 9th, my sister Kelly’s birthday. She would be 34 today. Kelly died when she was 11. Over the years, the grief has dulled. Instead of feeling sorry for myself because she is gone, I regret that she never got to grow up. Kelly was smart, kind, creative, and beautiful. She would have been an amazing woman. It makes me sad that she never got to go away to college, never got to date, never got to be a mom or aunt, never got to fall in love and get married. I always take a moment to think of her during the big events in my life – wedding, graduation, building a family. I like to think she shares those experiences with me in some way.

The world is a little less bright without her in it. Happy birthday Kelly.

Thanks to everyone for the input on the job situation. I’m still undecided what to do. Part of me echoes what several of you said – life is too short to hate what you do 8 hours a day. And the unending wait for a referral and the delays in PGN make me feel even more hopeless about ever getting out of this job hell I am living in.** The other part of me agrees with DD that I wouldn’t be much of an employee. I’m still contemplating but I do appreciate the input from everyone.

Also a thank you to Steve for his guest post yesterday. It was sweet to come home and find that. I’m a lucky woman!

Still no adoption news. I haven’t seen any new referrals from my agency since the 3 last week. That means in the 2 weeks we’ve been on the waiting list, only 3 referrals have been given out. Sigh…I try not to think of it very much because it makes me very sad. When we initially finished our dossier, the adoption felt more real to me. I could finally start to believe that it was going to happen – we were going to have a family. Only 2 weeks later it is feeling more distant that ever. I know it will happen eventually – it just feels like eventually is a lot further off than ever before. So I try really hard not to think about it too much but I check my agency’s message board 4 or 5 times a day to see if anyone has announced a new referral. The good news is, with the exception of my dad, no one has been asking if I’ve heard anything yet. I think the dejected look on my face the first time they asked made them all fearful of asking again.

** Note to the grammar police: I am aware that it is still largely considered incorrect to end a sentence with a preposition but it is too formal to say “in which I live”. My blog, my rules. (See how I fragmented that sentence? I’m a rebel that way.) Seriously though, feel free to correct mistakes you think are not intentional. I certainly have my fair share of blonde moments. (Like when I say Stephanie is adopting a frat boy from Columbia rather than a baby from Colombia.)

Just wanted to pop into Michelle’s blog here and jot a quick note to all of you who support, encourage and share with my wife everyday.

Thank you.

It means a lot to us to know there are others out there who have been through this before, or are going through it now. I know that having the blog as a sounding board has helped Michelle through some of the more harrowing stages of this process. I check in on it every once in a while to see how everyone’s doing (and see what she’s telling you all about me). You are all wonderful people who do not hesitate to share your wisdom, your humor and your empathy when it’s needed.

I am an extremely lucky man to have this amazing woman as my wife, and she is lucky to have all of you to share with.

p.s. For any Steelers fans out there, I recently got a chance to go to training camp for the VIP experience. Check out the photos I posted on my blog. It was sweeeeeeeeet. Max Starks is giant human being, too. Props to my man Dave for getting Rich and me some tickets.