Happy Halloween! Steve and I carved our pumpkin last night. Well actually Steve carved, I toasted pumpkin seeds. I finally figured out how to make them taste like I remember them from childhood – good stuff!

Yesterday, I came home to some love from Blogland. Sig sent Sabrina this adorable little diva outfit. Thank you! (Love the little star on the butt!)

No, not new photos. I saved some to share during this long dry spell without new photos. I’m hoping to get some news ones next week. But didn’t want anyone to go into withdrawal from not seeing her cute face.

I mailed out my dad’s birthday present today.  His birthday was September 21st.  I’m a horrible child.  I sent my mother’s birthday (May) and mother’s day gifts to her in August.  I’m an awful child.  There is always a reason.  With both, my initial reason was that I didn’t have anything to put them in.  Mom’s gift was long and fragile.  I couldn’t find a box that would accommodate it.  Dad’s gift (which I bought in June so I think of these things well in advance) just needed a photo mailer but it took me a while to get to Target and pick one up.  Then I ordered a whole bunch of photos of Sabrina from Snapfish.  I wanted to wait for them to arrive so I could send some.  I’m just a horrible kid. 

I’m the one you see in the UPS store on December 23rd willing to pay $275 to get $100 worth of gifts to Texas by Christmas.  I don’t know why I do this. It’s really quite sad. 

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The downtown post office I use is in an office building of sorts (there is also a little restaurant with a kick ass BBQ chicken burrito…but that’s another story).  I left the post office area and decided to quickly duck into the ladies room to wash my hands.  I stuck my head down the wrong short hallway looking for the ladies room.

In the background, I can hear the coat check guy “security” guard saying “Can I help you ma’am” to someone.

There were a dozen people around and I was no where near him so I figured he was talking to someone else.  I continued wandering down the main hall (this is a very public area so not like I was intruding on NSA secret wire tapping sessions) and he starts saying “Hey lady!  What are you, deaf?  Quit ignoring me.”

I realized he was talking to me so I looked over at him.  I’ve already spotted the ladies room at this point and don’t appreciate him screaming at me across the hall.  And am I deaf?  Who is this guy?  Archie Bunker?  I gave him a small smile and said “I am fine.  Thank you.”

He yells “Quit ignoring me.  I said ‘can I help you?’  Now what are you looking for?”

I dropped the smile and was less friendly but replied “I was looking for the ladies room.  I see it.  Thank you.”

He yells after me “Hey! No reason to be rude.”

As Carla would say…And scene.

We came home a bit poorer yesterday. But we had so much fun at Target. I took my list (with the additions from my blog friends) and hubby set me loose in the baby department.

Here was the list. The things we bought are in bold:

Snot Sucker (& saline – thanks for the tip! is regular saline spray okay or is there special baby stuff?)
Snot Sucker
Baby bath & baby lotion
Baby Tylenol
Diaper cream
Diapers
Wipes
Bottles (WOW there are a lot of bottle choices)
Variety of nipple sizes
Dish soap
Bottle brush
Dish towel
Formula pre-measuring thingy
Tummy time mat
Bumbo Seat & Bouncy chair
Bibs
Burp Clothes
Sleepers
Outfits
Onesies
Socks & Crib Shoes (thanks for the tip)
Sling
Baby Blankets
Couple of rattles/toys (These entertained Steve immensely
Thermometer and vaseline
Baby Gas Relief Drops

Instead of a tummy time mat, we took your advice and got a bouncy chair. The clothes situation we will have to assess as we get closer. If she doesn’t gain more weight, I will need to buy some more clothes and sleepers in a smaller size because I sent many of the smaller ones down to the foster mom.
I had to laugh, after this not inexpensive trip to Taget, Steve has come up with the perfect birth control for our daughter when she is a teenager. He says if he brings her to Target and shows her everything we needed to buy for 5 days with her and makes her add it all up the total will scare the beejesus out of her. 

Steve is convinced that all bottles are the same – they are just marketed in a way to make mothers neurotic. I must say we spent 15 minutes in the bottle aisle and I felt like a moron. I ended up with Playtex Ventair Wide. They sold me on the less bubbles in the formula. Regardless, we had fun. It was the first time I didn’t feel like a fraud in the baby department because I knew we needed all of these things.

After more than 6 long weeks of waiting, the lovely Tricia received her referral of a beautiful baby girl today.  Welcome Sofia!  We are all so excited for Tricia and her family.

Kendra, the fabulous woman who has gone to Harrisburg 3 or 4 times for me to get my documents certified, has come up with a great idea. You know those car ribbon magnets that everyone has? Well at least everyone here in PA has them…perhaps the rest of the country isn’t hip to them yet. Either way, Kendra has designed her own magnet to promote international adoption awareness. I think this is a way cool idea. I’ve resisted the whole car ribbon magnet thing up until now…mostly because I hate doing what everyone else does. But I like this one so much, I plan to buy several and give them to friends and family as well as slapping one of the bumper of my Nissan. If you don’t want one on your car, buy it for your frig or your filing cabinet at work. They include most countries that people in the US adopt from internationally so we can all buy one! Kendra is selling them on Ebay. Click here to go to her listing. Great stocking stuffers for Christmas. Don’t you all wish you had thought of it?

Okay, someone has to tell me what the heck a lap pad is because several of you said I need to take some.

I’ve shown off the diaper bag that I really like.

It’s stylish and feminine without being too diaper bag-ish. It isn’t super girlie (isn’t pink and has no feathers or sparkles on it) but it isn’t exactly manly either. I promised Steve that I would make sure we had one diaper bag in the house that he wouldn’t be embarrassed to carry. (Although he has been known to hold my purse on different occasions…he’s pretty secure in his masculinity.) So without further ado…here is the non-emasculating diaper bag.

(LL Bean for any hubbies out there looking at their Winnie-the-Pooh diaper bag with disdain now that they’ve seen the super duper non-emasculating bag.)

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your kind words yesterday.  It made me cry everytime I read the comments.  But each pity part must come to an end so consider it over.  I can’t change it.  All I can do is fix the mistake and move forward.  So, let’s talk about something happier.

Okay all of you pros out there…help a newbie out. I had trouble sleeping last night thinking of everything I need to buy before our visit.  Here is my preliminary list.  We will be spending 5 days and nights with Sabrina.  She will be 3 months old when we visit.  I’m trying to get a handle on everything baby related that we need to take.

Snot Sucker
Baby bath & baby lotion
Baby Tylenol
Diaper cream (is it true you aren’t supposed to use baby powder on babies anymore?)
Diapers
Wipes
Bottles
Variety of nipple sizes
Dish soap
Bottle brush
Dish towel
Formula pre-measuring thingy (I have no idea what this is…my agency told me to take one)
Tummy time mat
Bumbo Seat
Bibs
Burp Clothes
Sleepers
Outfits
Onesies
Socks (do they make any that really stay on?)
Sling
Baby Blankets
Couple of rattles/toys

So, what am I forgetting? Is there anything baby related I haven’t thought of?  Do I need a diaper bag?  I have the inexpensive  non-emasculating diaper bag that I could take.

I fucked up.  Yet again.  I was happily waiting for an update from my agency that I was in family court.  Turns out I won’t be in family court for awhile.  When I did our power of attorney, I apparently didn’t change one of the incorrect dates that the person who prepared it had typed in.  They reminded me to change both.  I thought I changed both.  I apparently didn’t change both.  And it sat at my agency’s office in Guatemala and they sent it to the Ministry for registration without looking it over and now, a month later, the Ministry noticed the mistake and rejected it.  I can’t decide who I am more angry with – myself for making such a stupid mistake or my agency for not looking at the damn thing.

Now, it is my fault that there is no longer hope of having Sabrina home by the time she is 6 months old.  It is my fault that we will miss out on at least another month of her young life.  It is my fault that there won’t be a pretty little Easter dress next spring for her.  I can’t even describe my feelings.  I just want to crawl under the bed and have someone pull me out in about 6 months.  I hate this fucking process with every fiber of my being.

Thank you to the ladies who propped me up during my meltdown last night.  And thank you to Kendra who is yet again making a trip to Harrisburg to get one of my documents certified.

Holy Crap!  42 Days!  That’s how long until I become a mom.  You see, I have all of these pictures of this beautiful baby girl in Guatemala but I’m not her mom yet.  I am still able to feel sane and slightly detached about things pertaining to her because she is just a beautiful picture.  When I see her in December I believe that will all change.  Once I hold her in my arms, she will become my daughter in my heart.  Then this lovely sanity and peaceful feeling I’ve been exhibiting since we got our referral?  Poof.  Gone.

I’m really nervous about our visit trip.  (Did I mention we leave in 42 days?)  What are these people thinking?  They are really just going to bring her to me and leave?  I don’t know what I am doing!  I don’t know how to be a mom!  Are they nuts?  What if she hates us (meaning me)?  What if she won’t stop crying?  What if I won’t stop crying?  What if she gets all creeped out because I just sit and stare at her all week and then she files a restraining order to keep the crazy weeping mama lady away from her?  And leaving? Oh, I’ll be a train wreck from that day forward until she is home.  Seriously, don’t expect anything coherent from my blog from then on.  I’ll just whine daily about how she isn’t home yet and how I am missing everything.  You’ve been warned so don’t be rolling your eyes at me come February.

But the other (less neurotic) reason I am nervous about this trip?  My life will never be the same again.  I will be a mom.  I will have a daughter.  There will be another person whose needs and wants trump mine.  I will never stop worrying.  She will be completely dependent on us.  We will be completely responsible for molding her into a decent human being.  I’ll have to learn that kissing the forehead to check for a fever thing.  And starting the day we meet her, I’ll begin worrying about her growing up and leaving us.  That all starts the first time they place her in my arms.  Wow.  That’s an awful lot for a woman who has to get up at 4am to get on a plane destined for Guatemala to absorb on a random Wednesday in December.

I saw a cute ‘lot’ of baby clothes that should be just the right size for Sabrina when we got to visit on Ebay last week. It contained 16 cute little outfits and sleepers. After looking, I decided to bid $35 on the box of cuteness. The auction still had 4 days left so I checked on it Thursday evening. I noticed that I hadn’t bid $35 as my maximum. I had bid $3500 as my maximum. Oops. Thankfully, when the auction ended, I ended up paying $31. Whew. That would have been a tough one to explain to Steve. “Look honey, only $200 per outfit!”  Moral of the story – watch those decimal points and commas ladies! Here are a couple of finds from the box: