I think Sabrina decided to haze me into the mom’s club today. We had our first diaper blow out – and man was it ugly. (Speaking of ugly, never, ever google images for blow out – wasn’t what I was looking for. Also avoid diaper – pictures of rashes you don’t want to see…way more adult diapers than I expected and they even threw in a horse diaper.) How does this beautiful little thing:

create such sheer volume of ick? Amazing!

I’m physically worn out today. Yesterday’s lost wandering and today’s excursion to get water and a few groceries (then carry them and a 15+lb baby home) has done me in. I should have trained like this was a marathon. I know I will get used to the walking and carrying and my joints and back will stop aching (man could I sound any older?) but I’m not used to it. Combine all of this walking with the inability to finish a meal (Sabrina doesn’t think mommy should eat…I am sure this is true of most babies) if I actually bother to put one together and I should be heading toward skinny when I get home. And then I will promptly gain it all back because my fat chickenbus isn’t about to walk anywhere for awhile once I am back in the states. I’ll drive to the mailbox.

But none of this is complaint – I will gladly ache a bit in order to have my sweet girl in my arms. And Antigua is truly lovely – I am fortunate to have the chance to spend this time here with Sabrina. I learned today that my momma is coming in 2 weeks and my sister in law is coming next month! Yea! Steve is also looking at coming around the same time as his sister so their trips overlap by a day or two. And I have plans for 3 out of the next 4 days to meet up with other fostering mommas AND Cheri is trying to help me find a water delivery company on my side of town so that I don’t have to lug jugs of water around any more. I think things are coming together nicely. Is it sad I had to move to a foreign country to have a social life? Let’s make that a retorical question.

Oh and I almost forgot to say “nanny nanny boo boo” to those receiving snow today!  I can’t believe it as I sit here with my windows and doors open enjoying the 80+ degrees here in the ‘mala.

I had no idea that I would have a more interesting social life in Antigua than I did in the states. Last night, Steve and I were invited to a dinner party to celebrate Cheri’s birthday. It was such a lovely evening! After walking many blocks with Erin (of Jesus is Not a Republican fame), we arrived at Cheri’s lovely apartment. Her hubby prepared a great dinner (finished with a wonderful rice pudding with rum soaked raisins) and the other attendees brought different items. We had a great evening talking with the other fostering families and getting tips on comfortable living in Antigua.

After Steve’s departure this morning, I dried my tears and set out for brunch with my friends Sig and Vicki. I got lost. Horribly lost. I was wandering aimlessly with tears running down my face and a baby strapped to my chest telling Sig I didn’t know where I was so I couldn’t have her send a tuk-tuk for me. It wasn’t pretty. I finally managed to flag down a free tuk-tuk. I arrived an hour late but once there I had a fabulous time. I thought we might be there for an hour or two – nope, it was an event. Everyone (other fostering families joined us) stayed for a late lunch. We didn’t return home until 5pm. Both Sabrina and I are tuckered out from the walking and the wonderful day of hanging out with friends.

Sig & Abby

Vicki & A

Sabrina in her new walker. She decided she’d give momma a little break when we returned home.

Mom – I think that is close enough.

What a difference a day as a single mom makes – This is my self portrait titled “I’m wiped.”   Life in Antigua is not glamorous!  It was a good day despite the sucky start.  Friends will make this experience better than I anticipated.  Thank you to those who are taking me under their wing!

Steve just left.  He had to leave in a hurry because his driver was early.  I knew it would be hard but watching him drive away as Sabrina and I waved from the gate – wow that really sucked.

We love you and miss you already.  Safe travels my love and come back to see us soon.

I received a couple of email wondering about the house we are renting. So I present more photos than you ever wanted of our house…plus some Sabrina cuteness at the end.

Our gate/wall from the inside.

Front door.  The big window is the living room window.

The driveway and sidewalk back to back yard.

The laundry room isn’t attached.  It is right off of the back porch – that way the dryer doesn’t make the house hot. (There is no air conditioning here.  I bought a fan which has done nicely in the afternoons.  So far the nights have been comfortable to sleep without it.)

The back porch

The little back yard has a lemon tree (do they get yellow on the tree because there are some big green ones out there), a mango tree and some coffee bean bushes!  I’ll show you the inside another day – uploading pictures can be slow here.  But I can’t not show off a little Sabrina cuteness!

She slept through the night again in her pack n play.  She’s still asleep now (7:30am).

Today we try to find some of the things I need while here in Antigua.  Yesterday’s outings didn’t go so well – I got a lot of exercise but no grocery store or anything else I needed.  Today we have a map and the advice of friends so I know we will be successful.

**Not bad grammar…singing the song in my head.

Last night went well.  We all slept like logs – thankfully even Miss Sabrina was tuckered out.  She apparently cried out once but I didn’t hear a thing.  Steve rocked her back to sleep quickly.  (Have I mentioned that I have the world’s most awesome husband who has become the most AMAZING dad already?)  We got up, fed Sabrina breakfast and then she went back to bed for almost 2 hours.  We wandered out to see a little of Antigua.

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Not my front door but I thought it was lovely.

Purple banners are remanents of holy week

I just love the doorways here in Antigua.

I am fascinated by the dichotomy of not so pretty and beautiful here.

Steve got a kick out of this sign…pizza and wifi.

Hello all!  Just wanted to let you all know that we are here, safe and sound.  A few minutes of thinking we were homeless again but it all worked out.  We got a cell phone (which I can’t understand because the menus are all in Spanish), some groceries and a fan, and then picked up our darling Sabrina.

Steve of course fell right back into his perfect dad role.  He is able to get a smile out of her no matter what.  Our foster mom left too quickly for me to tell her how much her care of Sabrina meant to us – she was upset and didn’t want to cry in front of us.

I’ll write more about picking Sabrina up and getting settled later.  Right now I am exhausted and hoping Miss Sabrina gives us a break in the sleep department tonight.  I did not yak on Sabrina.

Photos tomorrow, I promise.  I only dug out the camera 20 minutes ago to take a photo of Steve and Sabrina.  That’s the only photo we’ve taken so far.  I will take some photos of the house and of Sabrina and make a more coherent post tomorrow.

Update for family and friends: We leave for the airport in 3 1/2 – 4 hours (I told you it was pre-crack of dawn).  Our flight leaves at 6am.  We arrive in Guatemala at 11:30am their time.  Quick shopping trip to pick up diapers and formula and groceries.  Then we pick up Sabrina at 3pm and head to Antigua.  Hopefully I don’t get car sick and yak all over our daughter (quit laughing Rusty) – that would be a kodak moment for the scrapbook.  I will try to update quickly tomorrow evening after we get settled to let you know (Mom) that we arrived safely.  Don’t panic (Mom) if I don’t get a post up – I don’t know how reliable my internet connection will be there.

My last morning to sleep in for like the next decade and what do my wondering ears hear outside of my bedroom window?  A freaking jack hammer!  For the THIRD time in 2 months, the gas company is digging up the same spot in our street.  They can’t find the freaking leak but seem to be convinced it is in that spot.  Not feeling any love for them this morning.

We leave Thursday before the crack of dawn. I’m starting to freak out a little bit. I think the family gathering on Easter started it – I realized I am going to be missing a lot while I am gone. I am going to miss Steve more than I can say. He is my source of strength…my rock to be cliche. I hate being away from him for a day…let alone a couple of months. (Yes, we are fully aware of how nauseating we are.)

And packing. Oh Lord the packing. So. Much. Stuff. 80% of it isn’t even my stuff. Friends and family have given us all of these wonderful clothes and toys! And I’d like to take a few outfits for me as well. Now that I’ve realized I can’t take it all, suddenly every piece of clothing, every toy, every item from home is subject to a Sophie’s Choice moment.

We received this book for Christmas. I had paged through it but hadn’t really sat down with it. It is really a lovely book – stories of parents and children forming families through adoption. There are even a few stories from birth mothers. And the photography is lovely.

I was reading it on Sunday and a passage brought me to tears. I wanted to share it. It comes from a 10 yr old girl who was adopted domestically at birth:

“I have this story about how I came to my family, and I feel it’s true. My mom had had a lot of miscarriages before I was born, which worried me. So before I was born, when I was an angel in heaven, I didn’t want to be one of those miscarriages – one of the angels it didn’t work out for. I decided that the only way to reach my mom was to be born through another woman. I asked God and he said, “Well, give it a try.”

I sat and cried after reading that (I’m sappy lately). What a beautiful sentiment from a little girl. The book is called ‘Be My Baby Parents and Children Talk about Adoption’ by Gail Kinn. I enjoyed reading the parents’ stories but I really found the children’s (both young and grown) thoughts interesting. Sometimes I think once we form a firm bond and attachment the adoption aspect becomes less central for our family. This is a good reminder that it is part of our children forever and continues to effect how they view themselves and the world for the rest of their lives.