Michelle Smiles

Teaching my children to question authority, except mine.

My generation…

November16

I grew up in a small neighborhood in rural Ohio. By rural, I don’t mean I lived on a farm. I had neighbors and we lived near a small town. My school wasn’t a 1 room school house – I had 130 in my graduating class – but we all knew each other. It was very Norman Rockwell-esque. The best thing about the neighborhood I grew up in? The freedom. It was a safe place where we all knew the neighbors by name and sight. There were other children to play with. In the summer, we all left the house after breakfast and didn’t return until dinner time. We might check in once during the day with mom just to tell her we were still alive or to get a band-aid for a knee. Someone’s mom would feed us a sandwich and something to drink for lunch. We ran from backyard to backyard through out the day changing games as we went. We rode our bikes down the middle of the road because there was very little traffic during the day. My mom had no idea how we spent those hours nor did she want to know. She knew I was safe, entertained, and out of her hair. Our moms let us resolve our own fights and plan our own games. The most input offered was usually “In or out…make up your minds” or “No, you can’t use my good linen tablecloth to build a fort.” If someone’s feelings got hurt, we argued it out, forgot about it, or took our ball and went home.

This article talks about one of my fears in the children being raised by my generation. I fear that we are raising spoiled, dependent, entitled children. I watch people (friends, family, strangers) with children. Parents today (generalizing here so I don’t mean you) seem to think they have to schedule dates, structure play, ensure their children are entertained at all times, negotiate all social situations to avoid conflict with other children, clap at absolutely everything children do, and shield them from any and all disappointments. We don’t allow children to explore their world and learn social skills while interacting (and resolving conflict) with other children. We don’t give them genuine feedback on their accomplishments so praise loses meaning. We don’t let them just be kids and we don’t let them figure things out on their own. How do they cope with being ridiculed in the 6th grade (and kids are cruel…they will find a reason) if they are always expecting applause? How do they deal with a fight with their best friend in the 8th grade if mom has always resolved all of their conflicts?

I have a feeling there are very few of us who live in the type of neighborhood I grew up in. I certainly don’t. We have no sidewalks and our street has blind curves so there will be no bike riding down the middle of the road. Currently there is only one child on our street to play with. So roaming the neighborhood all day might not be something Sabrina can do when she gets older. But I intend to let her figure a lot of things out herself. I want her to develop a sense of her own identity and independence so that she has the confidence to make it through the junior and senior high school years without crumbling. I certainly don’t have it all figured out but waiting until I was older to become a parent means I’ve at least learned many things I don’t want to do.

posted under Uncategorized

Email will not be published

Website example

Your Comment: