This post is being written in the spirit of sharing my true experience. I hestitated to post it because I don’t want anyone rolling their eyes and saying “I can’t believe she is complaining after 3 days!” I’m not complaining…just telling it like it is.
First, I love this face. She is my daughter. I am her mom. I adore her. I treasure this time with her. But this parenting chickenbus is hard.

Last night, I was in tears because I felt like a failure. I’m essentially a single parent during this trip – Steve isn’t here and my mom only steps in if I ask for help and I am too proud to ask for help because I want to prove (to whom?) that I can do this. Sabrina has not been feeling great so she hasn’t been eating as well as she should and she certainly hasn’t been sleeping as much as she needs to. That equals one very cranky baby and one very tired mommy. I couldn’t comfort her no matter what I tried all last evening. And it is so out of character for her to just cry that I felt like an utter failure. She was crying, hitting me, pinching me, and scratching me for hours. She would not stop. My mom wasn’t around and I just reached a point where I had to put her in her crib and lie on the bed for 5 minutes. After only 2 1/2 days, I hit the wall and had to walk away. That made me feel even worse. This is my daughter! I love her – how could I walk away when she needed comforting? Why couldn’t I handle one night of fussiness?

Mom returned, assured me I wasn’t an evil horrible mother, and took over for a little bit. Sabrina finally slept through the night (although I did not – go figure). We both woke up smiling. I’m feeling much better and I know that most moms have those moments – I just didn’t expect it during my short visit here. I can’t express how much harder this is without Steve. He always makes everything okay and does more than his share. Single moms and moms whose husbands don’t help – you have my undying respect.

Okay, all further posts will be happy and filled with photos of my beautiful girl. We are having a great morning so far. Abuela is headed to Antigua for the day (I am a little jealous but glad she can make the trip). Sabrina and I are heading down for some cafe con leche and some yummy fresh fruit.  And yep, even after a night like last night, I can’t wait to have her at home forever.