Thanks!
Thanks to everyone who delurked and said hello yesterday and earlier today. I think it is so much fun to hear from those who are new to reading here or those who don’t normally comment. (Of course you all know I adore those of you who comment regularly. Smooches.) You can all return to lurking if you wish. I know that I often don’t comment on blogs that I read daily – either because I don’t have time or because I don’t have anything to say.
I only received 2 questions from that post, so I will answer them today.
Tricia asked if I have found a new fabulous lunch spot here in Nashville. Sadly, no. We haven’t really found any place fabulous yet. We’ve found some good places and some okay places but nothing that has made my eyes roll back in my head. There is a Persian place that we liked. The Mexican place I went on a mom’s night out was pretty yummy. And a bar and grill place that made pretty kick ass pulled pork tacos and had a great beer menu. But nothing brunch worthy yet. Of course, part of that is because we aren’t going out a lot – Steve’s been crazy busy at work and we are being frugal due to the mortgage/rent obligations.
Lori asked about the transition to being a SAHM. I emailed my response to her but decided to include it here because I know there are a few other people out there struggling with this. Here was my response:
As for the transition…honestly, I cheated. I didn’t have that going to work one day and then suddenly the next having no where to go. Obviously I did quit my job and not have to go back…but I quit my job 10 days before moving to Guatemala to foster so I was consumed with details to get ready for that. My first 2 months as a stay at home mom, I wasn’t at home – I was living in Guatemala. Being so completely out of my element (and country and home) made me marvel less at the not working thing and more at the “holy crap I am living thousands of miles away from my husband and I don’t speak the language and the water is evil”. Then when I came home, I had to spend 2 or 3 weeks packing up my house to move to another state, again without my husband, while trying to let all of our friends and family meet Sabrina. Then I got to TN and had to unpack all of those same boxes. So it was probably mid-August (I left my job the first week of April) before the “Oh crap, I don’t have a job any more” thing hit me.
That being said, the 2 biggest hurdles I’ve had to overcome in order to be a happy stay at home mommy are: 1) not being isolated and 2) letting go of the career identity I’ve had for the past dozen years. The isolated part is probably the easiest in theory. There are different ways to find mommy groups (they can kind of suck – but go anyway…it really does help to get out of the house even if it is just to make fun of the super anal mommies in your head – but keep it in your head or they will beat you with an organic 12 grain loaf of bread they baked themselves that morning and those suckers are dense so it hurts). If you need some ideas to find some groups, try meetup.com and craigs list and if you have one of those local freebie papers check those out too – or just google. The identity part was much harder for me. It was all good and noble to say I was moving to Guatemala to take care of my daughter but once I got home I was just another mommy. I felt like I had less worth when someone asked what I did and I had to answer that I was “just a mommy now”. I would usually add what I did in my previous life just so they knew I used to be interesting. I was so invested in my identity as a social worker – saving children, and women, and families – why was it so hard to admit that I was putting my own child and family first? Why did I feel that held so little value in the eyes of other people? I am still working to make peace with my feelings about where my identity lies now. There are days I swear I am getting dumber by the second. But when I think about the alternative – coming home after a day of pointless (I worked for a government bureaucracy – trust me they were pointless) meetings and having someone else tell me how Sabrina’s day was – I know I am doing the right thing for us.
It really is harder than I guessed in some ways and easier in others. I never dreamed how much mental energy it would take to be “on” all day long for her. But I also anticipated more crying (her not me – but you never know) and fewer giggles. I also thought the days would seem longer – but they really fly by (except that last hour before daddy gets home to take over). The sameness of the days that gets to me sometimes. But Sabrina thrives on the routine so I just vary what kind of liquor I put in my hip flask to shake things up.
So there you have it. Any more questions? And if anyone knows of a eyes-roll-back-in-your-head brunch place in Nashville, please share.
I noticed that there were more than 25 comments to your last post….hmmmm, Michelle….now didn’t they all mean something to you? Just goes to show that one comment is just as special as one-hundred and one!
When you’re looking for a place with divine food, make sure to look in the most unexpected places. I get the biggest kick out of dive bars as they usually make the best fried appetizers!
hmmmm, I’ll have to do some asking around for a good brunch place for you. Is money an object?? Or do I just go for the eye-rolling worthiness?
Have you considered working from home for an adoption agency or maybe for your local Children’s Services Agency? There’s all kinds of contract jobs out there for social workers. I had a friend who helped families prepare their dossiers and typed home studies…all from home – and we lived overseas at the time! I work from home doing temp staffing of psychiatric and social services professionals. We don’t have offices in TN or I’d be recruiting you in a minute – based on your memo-writing abilities alone!
I have a friend in Nashville that has lived there for several years. I am sure she eats out a lot. I’ll see what I can find out from her.
Gail
I have to stop myself from saying that I’m “just a mom”. It’s a much harder job than I would have thought, and there is not “just” about it! When people ask me what I do, I say that I am an analyst, but right now I’m staying at home with my daughter. I read that somewhere…that you still have your work identity, even if you’re not working outside the home now. I like that. It may not make a difference to anyone I’m speaking to, but mentally, I think it does me good.
Have you been to the Pancake Pantry? Not brunch, and probably no eye-rolling, but it’s fun, and I always tried to make it in when I was in Nashville for work.
Michelle, I think you summed up the transition from working mommies who go to home mommies. I have to say after working in the professional world for 22 years, that was a piece of cake compared to being home and taking care of two children under the age of 3 along with two teen sons! And don’t even get me started on trying to actually FINISH a task like putting dishes away, washing clothes, ironing and etc!!! Hmmmm. I think we need to get paid more!!! Guess I will remind that to my hubby on our anniversary in 8 days!!!
You are a GREAT mom and a wonderful wife and I too kind of miss those recipes (especially since I hate to cook so always love to see something easy)!!! Sabrina is a doll baby as always!
Okay, if I comment two days in a row I am officially not a lurker!!
Just had to say I laughed my ass off at the 12 grain bread comment! Of course this comes from a mom who fed her kids bologna slices, processed cheese slices and pre-cut, pre-packaged pears for dinner. Martha Stewart would be proud!
Okay… you must one day stroll down downtown Franklin and visit the Franklin Merchantile or Merridee’s Bread Basket… I do not know if it is eye roll worthy… but I really like it ( I am more of a chicken salad fan and can grab it for lunch there) But my hubby eats breakfast at the “Merch” a few times a week.
I’m currently working part time (3 days a week) and I really like it. Hubby has some things getting ready to come up that could make it very easy for me to quit my job (money wise) and stay at home. I can’t decide what I want to do. Some days (like today!) I think – I just need to stay home – I hate work. And then some days I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have that part of me. Sigh….I guess I have some decisions to make!!
we all know I struggle with my Ground Hog Day existence but Im surprised that (when I can step back from it all and not wanna suggest to e that she stop flailing on the changing table as mominy might not fight her some day and hold her a$$ to the wood) even now it feel as though SO QUICKLY she’ll be in kindergarten—-and I wonder if that will feel like sweet sweet freedom or OH CHICKENBUS I wished too many of those days away!
if that makes tiredmama sense.
Sorry I didn’t delurk when it was officially Delurking Day! Don’t worry about your brain cells they will revive soon. They’ll have to show back up so you can stay on top of Sabrina and what she is up to! You could always homeschool like us! We have three bio kids ages 12, 8, and 3, and we just got out of PGN with our first child through adoption. He just turned a year old, and ever since a friend sent me the link to your blog, I’ve been trying to talk my husband into fostering him! Something about either being left here with three kids or me taking them and him being left alone made him not even listen when I brought up the subject! I love seeing Sabrina grow, and it’s nice to see someone who has finished this crazy process! And I’ve picked up a new word…chickenbus!
Another shoutout for the Pancake Pantry. Good times. I like Le Peep on Harding… but it is a chain so perhaps you’ve already been to one. I have to dig out a list that a “foodie” acquaintance sent me before we moved here. She had some great suggestions and my mommybrain can’t remember them all right now. And – budget-wise, Blake and I don’t do a lot of brunching right now – but I LOVE a good one. i’ll be back in touch after I find the “list”. 😉
Hmm, thanks for posting about the SAHM gig. I am not a career woman per se, but I do worry about staying home and losing whatever identity I have in the working world. I know it’s sounds bad, but I know that my husband would expect me to be super housewife and I hate doing cleaning and that sort of thing. I don’t want all the household chores relegated to me because I am home all day w/said child. I guess I worry that the division of labor will be skewed and I will be sort of looked down on. At the same time we’re working darn hard to become parents and I don’t want to miss anything. Hmmm, definitely food for thought.
I know exactly how you feel, my last day at work was 4/30 and I left for Guatemala on 5/2. I got home on 6/1 and it took a while to really feel like I was playing hooky all the time. I still have lunch with the girls from the office once in a while but it is not as much fun, except I can have a beer with lunch and they can’t 🙂