Michelle's Front Page

Women of a certain age

December 11th, 2007

Wow. You guys are as good at being a cheering section for my good news as you are a support when I am a mess. Thank you for all of your wonderful wishes and prayers and good thoughts and similar stories you’ve shared. And thank you to those who live close by and have offered help…if this bed rest thing goes longer than a week you better hide if you didn’t mean it! As for all of your suggestions – thanks! She is spending lots of time with mommy on the couch and on the floor. I just can’t avoid picking her up to put her in or out of bed and in and out of her high chair. Otherwise, I am trying to follow doctor’s orders.

I did something I hate doing – I picked my doctor randomly out of the insurance provider list. I tried a big practice first because they have a high risk clinic but they couldn’t even see me for the first appointment until January. So my current doctor was my second call. I was a little freaked out because she answered the phone. I jokingly told my husband that her practice must be in a van down by the river. There are things I’m not so sure I like about her but the woman is thorough beyond anything I’ve encountered in an MD before. She doesn’t double book patients – she believes that no one should ever have to sit in the waiting room or exam room waiting for her. (I didn’t know you could run a profitable practice that way in this day and age.) She spent 2 solid hours with me on my first visit. When one of the services she wanted to set me up with said they weren’t available for a few days, she called them up personally and demanded that they make it happen faster. (They all seem to be a little afraid of her.) She calls me from her cell phone some mornings to check on me. I’m incredibly impressed by her standard of care and really freaked out by how completely she has taken over my world in the past 10 days. I don’t know if I should hug her for caring so much or tell her to back the chickenbus off.

I have to mention something that has been bugging me. In my head, I’m still 20. I’m still young, still able to hold my liquor, still able to stay up late and get up early, still closer to the age of the teens working the register than the old fogies being waited on, still secretly thrilled at the thought I might be enough of a grown up to plan my very own vacation. In reality? I know that I am 35 but that still catches me by surprise quite often. Now given my cognitive dissonance (see that grad school tuition I am still paying for was good for something) on the subject of my age, I have to say I am quite bothered by my doctor’s need to point out my “advanced” age each and every time we speak (she is in her 50’s). I only barely feel prepared to be a parent and she is discussing how “advanced” age adds another risk factor to my pregnancy. When I called to make my first appointment I spoke with the doctor (I know – weird) and she pointed out my age. At my first appointment, she mentioned it twice. The second time we met she mentioned it and again today she had to throw it out there. The pathetic thing is every time she says it, I have to stop and think about what she means because my first thought is “Dude. I’m barely old enough to have kids!” Someday I’ll be getting the senior citizen discount and feeling like I am getting away with something.

The other thing that made me laugh – she threw the ultimate cliche at me during my first appointment. She said “A lot of my patients adopt and then get pregnant right away because they relax.” I hate both the cliche that if you adopt then you will get pregnant and the just relax and you will get pregnant thing. But I know she means well.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 11th, 2007 at 8:33 am and is filed under family. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

17 Responses to “Women of a certain age”

  1. Julie P Says:

    I’m 34 and know how strange that feels. How can we be so close to 40? 40 always seemed old and now it seems so young. The Dr sounds amazing – keep in mind you can always get a 2nd opinion if you feel the need. But how nice to have a medical professional care so much about you! Take Care – and keep smiling!!!!

  2. Crystal Says:

    I didn’t get a chance to tell you how happy I am at the turn of events. I know it is still scary and uncertain, but I’m so excited that you heard a little heartbeat.

    As for the doctor, from what you’ve said, I would keep her. It sounds like there might be some things where you will have to either bite your tongue or speak out, but I’ve always found that the hardest thing is to find someone who is paying attention. For me, anyway, that is a priceless thing.

  3. Alleen Says:

    Wow, that is definitely a keeper if she takes that much time with you and calls so much to check on you. I really loved my RE because of personal care(though not quite to that level, though he did make the calls himself which I loved). It can make all the difference in the world.

    As for the age thing…. yeah…. I just turned 41. Good gosh, how can that be??????????? If she keeps bringing it up, you may want to gently tell her that you realize it makes you a higher risk but that it really is bothering you to have her say it so much. She may back off some.

  4. Trace Says:

    WOW! I’ve never heard of a doctor that attentive. If you feel uncomfortable, why don’t you keep the January appointment w/the high risk place and see if you like it better. What do you have to lose except your co-pay and a little extra reassurance that you’re comfortable w/what you are doing?

    I always think the getting pregnant after adoption thing is an urban legend. Hmmm…

    35 is NOT old! It’s not an advanced age. Women get pregnant in their 40s and sometimes even in their early 50s (although higher risk). Isn’t it funny how you feel like the same party girl you were in college, but when you look in the mirror you realize you are ‘grown up’?

  5. Debra Says:

    Your doctor is a rare breed. I remembering turning 35 during an IVF cycle and I couldn’t believe the change in treatment. Why they always ask the age question at every appt especially when you are seeing them every other day. Geez. But my girlfriend had it worse. She had her first baby when she was 38 and they wrote “high risk” on the outside of her chart. Then they decided to adopt from China at the same time we started our adoption. Guess who got preggers the week they mailed off $7000 to their agency? So at 41 she just had her second baby and now the outside of her chart says “elderly”. Yikes! We still laugh about it. And they still have at least another 12 months for their China referral. So I think Sabrina will keep you young forever.

  6. stacie Says:

    wow, your dr sounds amazing besides the constant “age” reminders. Maybe next time you can say to her, “ok, I know about the age stuff, can we skip it please?” I think though she is just doing her job and reminding you that there are other things to consider due to your age. Yeah, still doesn’t help though does it? lol. Congrats on finding a great person as your dr…

  7. Rachael Says:

    Michelle, I’m an ob/gyn and I have to tell you that there is actually a whole separate ICD-9 code for “high risk pregnancy due to advanced maternal age” that is used for pregnant women 35 and over. The slightly tragic/slightly comical thing that happens is that when you use that code for billing at our hospital, the computer applies the term “elderly primigravida” or “elderly multigravida” which is just WRONG on so many levels. (I’m also 35).

    Best of luck with your pregnancy, I hope it all turns out well for you.

  8. starfish Says:

    Holy cow! I was totally surprised and THRILLED to read your good news! Fingers crossed that you will have a stress free pregnancy.

    I know what you mean about the advanced age thing – at 38 I’m just trying to avoid knocking anyone over with my walker over here.

  9. Julie Lussier Says:

    and I quote “…… or tell her to back the chickenbus off.”

    holy crap. laughing my chickenbus off here in Texas.

    I am so totally exciting for you and wow I want to get PG just so I can have her as a doctor. hummm maybe I should rethink getting PG, number one, I do not want to and ummm….#3 I live in Texas.

    Yeah I almost freaked when I am now in the 3rd box you check for age, like 35-50 or something wild like that.

    I cannot wait to hear the memo’s that are going to fly from your fingertips to all those people whom need one while you are pregnant.
    Gosh I am so excited.

    Jules

  10. Julie Lussier Says:

    on my gosh, LOSING MY MIND, if you read my post above I state 2 reasons why I cannot get PG, and I numbered them #1 and #3.

    I AM OLD.

    J

  11. emily Says:

    SHE USED MY CLICHE…..ARRGGGHHH!

    Well if someone has to to be cliche, it might as well be you! LOL! I’m so glad things are going well, and I hope they continue. A thorough doctor sounds like just what you need!

  12. Laurie Says:

    Congrats on your pregancy and I hope it continues to go well! On another note, welcome to the world of “See all you had to do was adopt to get pregnant”. I seriously hear it every day and want to scream or strangle someone. But whatever, it’s a blessing, and I’m so happy for you.

  13. jenn Says:

    Wow – I wish there were a doctor near me with that kind of service. That’s impressive.
    As far as the age thing goes, I wonder if you could tell her that you understand about the age thing, but it’s not necessary to bring it up multiple times. I understand that she’s just emphasizing the High Risk aspect of it, but you already know that this would be considered high risk. Geesh.
    (This coming from someone that has never been pregnant!)

  14. Bobbi Says:

    Maybe Steve can buy you a cane for Christmas! I am going to have to share this one with Joe, he is the same age!! HA

    Your doctor is a bit creepy attentive. Is she this way with all of her patients? Oh well, guess it is better than not paying attention at all.

    Hope you are still doing well! Eat a bon bon for me will you??

  15. Steph Says:

    KEEP that doctor. Send her presents. Text message her. Brush each other’s hair and gab about Britney Spears. 😉 I’ve had 3 different OB’s for the 3 bio kids. My favorite beyond favorite was the one who actually listened, called me, worried with me when there was a problem – and yes, maybe your dr. is a bit in your face, but I’ve had drs who treated me like a number and I think my care suffered in all honesty.

    And as for the “advanced maternal age” thing – you are probably going to hear it a lot from this point forward from any medical baby people. Thick skin is my only advice – I had to go through it too with #3. (I was 34 at his delivery – I guess that made me “advanced enough”) Sucks. Made me want to crawl into the bed, eat ice cream and watch MTV just to prove a point. 😉

  16. Sarah Says:

    LOL! I am with you… I still feel as if I could go back to college and sneak into the back of my old favorite college bar and maybe, just maybe a 21 year old guy would hit on me as if I were a college student again… sigh… I hit the big 4-0 in a few months and this morning had to go get a highlight to hide my first gray “zones” (not hairs… zones) on my head. When did we grow up??? LOL

    Advanced age has its perks though… we get to be called maam by the baggers at the grocery, little boyscouts might just lead us across a busy street, we get to use all those age defining makeup and hey… we groove to the 70’s and 80’s music! OK… sorry… enough of the age jokes. Tell your doc to knock it off or you are going to hit her upside her head with your walker! LOL

  17. Lori Says:

    Whoa!! She sounds like a very attentive doctor!! Tell her you have a friend in Minnesota who has adopted twice and has not used any method of birth control for the past 14 years and it still hasn’t happened!! (pregnancy) Or maybe I’m just too uptight and can’t relax!!! 🙂

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