Michelle's Front Page


December 14th, 2008

Tessa is 4 1/2 months old. She sleeps in a bassinet next to my side of the bed. This arrangement began because it made it easier for me to get up with her to nurse in the wee hours and it also allows easy access for me to reassure myself that she is still breathing. The middle of the night nursing has lessened but not stopped. Ditto for the breathing checks.

Steve is starting to make noises about moving her into her crib in her bedroom. He makes a compelling case. She is starting to get too big for the bassinet. She still fits since she is a tiny thing but she wants more room to move about. She is also a noisy roommate – she often wakes us during the night just making noises in her sleep. And frankly, Steve is looking forward to life settling into something approximating normal which includes us being the only full time occupants of our bedroom.

The thought of her being in her own room sends me into a minor panic. My problem is simply that her room is so far away. Our bedroom is on the first floor but the girls’ rooms are upstairs. This poses 2 problems. First, I am lazy and I don’t really want to drag my chickenbus upstairs at 2am to feed and/or comfort her. Second, how can I telepathically will her to keep breathing from so far away? I am a bit more psychotic neurotic with Tessa than with Sabrina. Sabrina was 7 months old and seemed less fragile when I got her. I also think it stems from the fact that I never believed that my pregnancy would result in us having a baby so I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am convinced something horrible is going to happen to take her away from me because I was never meant to have her to begin with. I feel like by having her I snuck one by the universe and the universe is just waiting to swat me down in return. (I am sure the universe has bigger fish to fry than me but hey, I admitted to being neurotic about it.) And because I know I am a wee bit irrational about it, I’ve told Steve he is going to have to push me on some things. He isn’t pushing yet but I’m definitely feeling some nudges.

He is letting me take baby steps. We’ve discussed putting her in the pack n play to give her a little more room and putting it on his side of the bed to start putting some distance between her and I at night. I’m trying to remember when I stopped checking to see if Sabrina was breathing at night but I can’t remember (and truth be told I still feel an urge to check every now and then). She started sleeping in her own room about a month after we came home from Guatemala but it was right next door to our room in the apartment. Any tips on making the move without making myself and Steve crazy? Or has the crazy ship sailed?

This entry was posted on Sunday, December 14th, 2008 at 10:45 pm and is filed under parenting. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

33 Responses to “Soon?”

  1. Vanessa Says:

    Oh my sweet two and a hlaf year old still sleeps in my room with me and i hate to admit I still get up and check on the other two children to make sure they’re breathing!! Glad I’m not totally nuts and others do this!!

  2. Type (little) a Says:

    No advice, just a hug. It must be terrible to think that Tessa is one you slipped past the goalie. The other shoe will not drop. She wouldn’t be here if you weren’t meant to have her.

    Get yourself a video monitor with two cameras, for whenever you’re ready to let her sleep in her own room. Take it easy on yourself, mama.

  3. ani Says:

    our son slept in his room from day 1 (he came home at 5 wks), and the video monitor was my lifeline for those early months. i admit, i still check on him at night, usually more than once (and he’s 3!). good luck!

  4. Rachael Says:

    I always kept mine in the bassinet as long as possible too — you know, until their feet were touching the ends and my husband said I was going to stunt their growth if we didn’t make the switch to the big scary crib.

    They have really good baby monitors though, you know! And, you could always make some sort of deal that if she wakes, HE has to take his chickenbus upstairs. My experience was that after we made the move, they didn’t wake as much at night anyway. Since, I was much more likely to let them wiggle and grunt and fuss before rushing up there and usually they just fell back asleep before I could drag myself out of bed.

  5. Rhonda Says:

    I have a guatemala baby, as well. She came home at 8 months and slept with us for a month before being kicked out for her newly born brother (yes, I went on our pick-up trip 36 weeks pregnant but would not have missed it). Anyway I did not have much of a problem putting Jaci in her room, however her brother slept with us for 6 months. He was still getting up twice a night and everyone said he would sleep through when we moved him to his room. Well in this case family and friends were right – from the first night on he has slept the entire night – 7:00 pm to 7:00 am. I was so happy we moved him – and I still sneak in to both babies rooms to check if they are still breathing.

  6. Megan Says:

    Ya know I feel the exact same way about my Charlotte. You can only be told something so many times before you believe it, and after 5 long years it wears you down. She also seems to be the one that gives us the most scares. Has from the very first OB appointment!

    As far as the sleeping thing. Lily came home at just over a year and went right into her crib. She and I did ok, not great but ok. Charlotte did sleep in our room for about 4 months before we made the big move. I will admit it was an adjustment for everybody. But she is now 14 months and seems well adjusted and Momma is well rested (for the most part!). Now we are only a room apart on the same floor, you might want to look at one of those video monitors.

    OH and I still am checking breathing at least once a night!

  7. jenne Says:

    Isaac still co sleeps with us. When he came home he was 16 months, and had co slept his whole life. We made the decision to continue this as he was already going through enough changes, plus it was good for bonding. Well, now he’s been home 8 months and I’m ready ( not really) for him to be in his room. But it’s hard. His room is across the house from us, and he throws a fit when he’s put to sleep in there. But he kicks all night and I wake up sore. Our Dr suggested a video monitor. They are expensive, but I thought about checking ebay. Good luck it’s hard…I hate having my baby away from me. (he’s not even a baby!) My husband thinks I’m crazy!

  8. Steph Says:

    Crazy Ship has sailed. 😉 I was the same way with #3. He was sick for the first 1.5 years. I did not sleep well at night b/c I was worried about the breathing thing too. So the actual crib went in our room – right next to my bed like some giant co-sleeper. It didn’t look pretty but he stayed there until the crazies died down enough for me to move him into his own room.

  9. Shannon Says:

    Two words VIDEO MONITOR. I’m telling you, it will be the best 100 bucks you spend. The need to check on them breathing won’t stop for awhile. But with a video monitor you can SEE she is fine in bed without moving your chickenbus anywhere. Also, you can hear her breathing, or moving around or whatever. I love ours. It is nice that at any time of the night I can flip a switch and just check and make sure she is ok. Plus, you don’t run the risk of accidentally waking her by opening the door and have the dog run in and attempt to lick her through the crib. (ask me how I know that)
    A big hug to you though. I don’t think you snuck one by the universe, for the record. You are doing a great job as her momma…it’s ok to relax a bit.

  10. erinberry Says:

    I don’t have any advice because I’m wondering how to do the same thing whenever we get home… and my “baby” is 2 1/2! 🙂

  11. Julie P Says:

    I still want a video monitor and Ally is 2. She has always slept in her crib in her own room, but it is right next door. I think I would have a hard time too if her room was far away.
    Your comments about “cheating the universe” that rings so true to how I feel about being a mom – how is it possible to be so lucky? I guess it just is. I think its a human thing to be waiting for that other shoe. I wish you luck and success in conquering that feeling so you can cherish and enjoy your wonderful life. (I’m still working on that) And know that we’re here in blogland cheering you on and offering support.

  12. Maria Says:

    I think your fears are normal under the circumstances. But she is healthy and happy. I dont think the other shoe is gonna drop 😉 I cant give you any advice…Bella slept with us in our room for 1 year before I moved her to her room. My bio kids, slept with us in our bed until around 2 so I understand 🙂

  13. Melany Says:

    I’d say wait until you’re really ready. She is still very young – if you feel better having her next to you – so be it. She’s gonna grow up fast and I think you’ll know when it’s time to move her upstairs.

    Your self-described neurosis sounds very familiar to me. It sounds like me. I feel for you.

    the mom whose 2.5 year old sleeps in between her and her less-than-thrilled husband but can’t stand the crying from the other room (Pilar’s not blake’s) 😉

  14. Rachel Says:

    We didn’t move Julian out until he was I think 7-8 months, by pressure from my hubby for the same reasons you mentioned. I think for now, I’d definitely start moving her into a pack n’ play. When they start getting too restless, they can flip those things over (not to scare you, but this happened to my doctor’s kid).

  15. Crystal Says:

    How about the Angel Care monitor (it goes off if they stop breathing). It might give you a little piece of mind. I hope you find your way to a smooth transition…

  16. Ashley J Says:

    #1- she might sleep better through the night when you move her. I found that to be the case with all my kids.

    #2- Technology… there is a monitor that lets you SEE as well as hear and it has good night vision. I am sure it is an investment, but piece of mind is worth a lot.

    #3 Technology… there is a mat that you can put under your child. If they continue breathing it ticks into a monitor in your room… if they stop breathing (or roll off the mat) then it stops ticking and an alarm will sound. I have a friend that would not have made it the first few months without it. She could not sleep unless she heard the tick.

  17. Alleen Says:

    I was also going to suggest the video monitor. Sometimes, I turn up the monitor loud enough where I can actually hear the breathing sounds. but, then, sheets rustling and everything keeps me awake it’s so loud. Gabriella’s room is on the other side of the house and I’d never hear a thing if not for the monitor. I sometimes wish I had a video one so I wouldn’t need to turn it up so loud if I’m worried(like when she’s sick).

  18. mama k Says:

    Well you know me. I’m going to say do what you are comfortable with. Trust your mommy instincts.

    I think there is no problem keeping them in your room or even your bed if that arrangement works for your family. She’s only going to be tiny for so long, you know?

    And if you decide it’s time for a change, do it gradually so that both Tessa and you can ease into the new arrangement.

    Personally, I wouldn’t move a baby that young to another floor of the house. I’m not into sleep training so that means I’d be trekking up the stairs to nurse and comfort… there’s teething and growth spurts a plenty still coming. So that arragement would mean less sleep for me.

    I think the pack n play the room is a good compromise, but if she’s waking up Steve I don’t know why moving her nearer to him would help. Just my 2 cents. 🙂

  19. Kim Says:

    I hated making that adjustment. I don’t think that I was ever ready. I just finally broke down and did it one day. It took awhile for everyone to adjust, but truth be told, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. Does she nap in her room? It might be a good idea to get her used to her room and bed before making a transition. Just a thought.

  20. elle Says:

    My child came to us at 2 years old and 2 1/2 years later (he’s 4 now) I still check every night to make sure he’s still breathing.

  21. Samantha Says:

    if you have a monitor it’s just going to make the same amount of noise as she does, if not more. and imho… 4 months? what’s the rush? get an arm’s reach co sleeper or just put a crib in your room. you’ll get a much better sleep if she’s still night nursing. and upstairs would be way too far away for my comfort. my personal opinion? tell steve to get some earplugs and suck it up.

  22. Samantha Says:

    ok i just had to go in and check if j was still breathing after reading all of this. LOL.

  23. carla Says:

    no baby experience here. so Im no help there. wanna check in with you on other twentyminutematters 🙂

  24. Laura Says:

    I have no advice on the crazies 🙂 but having adopted after 11 years of being by ourselves, I think we were a bit protective. I say invest in a monitor when you decide to move her. You can see and hear her. We used ours with our first one until she was past 2 years old!!! With our son we used it less but he is two now and I still use at nap time and when he is sick. Our daughter came home at 2.5 months and slept in her own room from the beginning and same with our son.

  25. Debra Says:

    Video Monitor!!! We didn’t buy one right away and Alexis came out at 8mos. But now I kick myself for not getting it sooner. Yes, you can hear them breath, sigh, roll over or yawn. My baby monitor never picked up any of those noises.

    BTW does Sabrina still sleep in her crib? Just wondering since Alexis and her are the same age. Alexis seems very content in hers and I’m happy to oblige, one more thing not to worry about.

  26. Lisa Says:

    Our bedroom is also on a separate floor than my daughter’s room. This made me really nervous to move her out of our room. (She came home at 15 months and probably stayed in a crib in our room for a few months). I just was too nervous that something would happen and we wouldn’t be able to hear it, or she would stop breathing. In the end, what helped me make the transition (my daughter was completely ready) was to upgrade my baby monitor to a video monitor with really good audio. This way, I could wake up and check on her frequently, and the audio was so good that I could hear her breathing. Good luck.

  27. Laurie Says:

    Well I know how you feel about the whole waiting for the shoe to drop. I’m in the same boat with Claudia, my miracle pregnancy, who is now 10 months old. I wouldn’t rush it, you’ll do it when you are ready. She is still very young. I still check to make sure both of my kids are breathing every night, a few times a night. I guess I would wait until she is done nursing at night if it was me. The video monitor is also a good idea. I wish I had bought one. I was too cheap but it would have been a good investment.

  28. Bobbi Says:

    I was totally freaked out about Cassie too. But, she and I slept better. THe deal was that we had the monitor so loud you could hear her scratch her fingernail on the crib sheet–problem with that is that I was too jumpy!! But, it was what I needed. I too didn’t believe the other shoe wasn’t going to drop, but she is 10 now, and so far so good–and we don’t use the monitor anymore:>)

    I would say that the idea of her being by Steve for awhile is a good one. Go slow and only when you are ready…….but keep in mind that she may sleep better in her own room. Sleep sometimes outweighs everything

  29. Suzanne Says:

    I was super paranoid and had an Angelcare monitor AND a video monitor. Our bedroom is also on the first floor and the baby is upstairs. I moved her into her crib at 10 weeks because it seemed like having us in the room with her was disturbing HER sleep. She did not start sleeping through the night until she was a year old so I had to drag myself upstairs every night. But I’m so glad she’s used to sleeping in her own bed and room. She’s now 18 months old and we do not have any sleep issues at all.

  30. Mera Says:

    oh Michelle, I just blogged about this. It is SO FREAKIN hard to let go. He still sleeps in his bassinet, which is far too old to handle such weight but I can’t let go. I have to see and feel him breathe. Some nights , I start him out in his crib and then when he wakes to nurse, I tote him back in our room for the rest of the night so he is right there. Gabby however LOVES her room although I go in EVERY night to make sure she is okay and cover her up. The mommy instinct is always there, wanting to make sure our babies are close and coddled. Its really hard, good luck girl!

  31. cass Says:

    Some people were really surprised that I had Lexi in her crib at 6 weeks…..then they come over and see our little house and see that she’s at most FIVE big steps from me. So far this is the only benefit of too small of a house.

  32. Karen O. Says:

    When A. came home at 10 months she went into her crib in her room but guess who’s mommy slept most of the time on the floor of her room? Then S. came home at 15 days and is NEVER going to be out of her Momma’s sight. We check frequently day and night for breathing. Time to consider getting both angel and video monitors with 2 under 2 years old.

  33. Mama o' 2 Says:

    I didn’t nurse either kiddo, they slept in their cribs from the day they came home from the hospital. We have a small house so the rooms are close. Sometime after #2 came along I became a very heavy sleeper. My DH got up with the baby most of the time because I didn’t hear anything or it didn’t wake me at all. Its still that way. DH had to work early last Saturday, he was gone before any of us got up. When I awoke the boys were on the couch watching TV and eating straight out of the cereal box. Our cereal cupboard is above the fridge. They are 2 and 4. I’m thinking how the heck did they reach the cereal? When I walked into the kitchen there were two kitchen chairs pulled up to the fridge. I didn’t hear a thing. Me thinks I need to get a motion detector with a really loud alarm so I wake up when they do . . .

    Just think, whatever you decide, is probably as good or better than someone else’s solution or, er, situation.

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