Michelle's Front Page

Memo #42813

July 13th, 2010

Dear Crazy Lady In Whole Foods:

Often after having a baby, we get stuck inside. We don’t talk to many grown ups. Our brains get a little mushy and we forget our social skills. I get that. Really, I do. That is why the first time you approached me, I smiled and even engaged you a little. I’m not big on chatting with random strangers in the grocery store. I have a toddler who is like a time bomb. The second we enter, the countdown starts but I don’t know how long I have before all hell breaks loose. So I get in and get out – quick like a Ninja. If Ninjas kept up a constant stream of non-sense chatter with a toddler while stuffing animal crackers in her mouth to keep her quiet happy. Whatever.

Your double take when you turned and saw me examining tofu noodles was a little strange. Your extreme surprise and excitement over our matching Graco strollers was a little odd. But I thought perhaps your baby was young and you didn’t get out much. I thought maybe you didn’t realize how over the top you sounded (we’ve all done it). I assured you it was a nice stroller and it had served us well with our first and now second child. Then I excused myself.

The fact that you tracked me down, 10 minutes later, on the other side of the store, dragging your mother who was pushing said matching stroller with you, was borderline stalking flat out weird. I really didn’t need you to prove to me that your stroller was the same. And your mom didn’t look particularly impressed either. (Ever seen the Friend’s episode with Joey’s hand twin? Kind of felt like that.) But I smiled and nodded as I sidled away.

Following me down the aisle while loudly explaining to your mother how amazing it was that we had matching strollers “because you know they didn’t make that many” started to feel creepy. By the way, Graco makes more than 1 of each stroller. Go to Target and take a look sometime. And get a cart while you are there – see if you can find someone else with a matching one.


The Woman Who Knows How to File a Restraining Order

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 13th, 2010 at 8:41 pm and is filed under humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.

6 Responses to “Memo #42813”

  1. dana Says:

    I love your memos Michelle. They always slay me. Your sense of humor is very entertaining and I always get a good laugh when I read your blog!

  2. Kim Says:

    Thanks for the smile today.

  3. Julie P Says:

    LOL – creepy lady!

  4. Melany Says:

    Funniest thing I’ve read in quite a while. Thank you. 😀

  5. Bobbi Says:

    So, post a pic of this stroller……..sounds like a good one!!!:>) TOO FUNNY

  6. Martha Says:

    Yup she sounds REALLY lonely!

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