Michelle's Front Page

Inside my head

May 30th, 2011

I’ve not written much about our impending move since sharing that I’m not overjoyed to be leaving my great friends and selling my beautiful house. I’ve had a few email and facebook inquiries so I thought I would follow up. (Thank you all for thinking of me!)

I’m okay. I’m still not overjoyed about leaving my great friends and selling my beautiful house but I’m adjusting. Steve leaving was a reality check. I don’t want to be apart from him. He is my foundation. I love my great friends and beautiful house but none of it makes me happy without him. (All together now “awwwww”.) I also had to knock off some of my moping and whining because he offered to quit his new job and find another one here so that we could stay. I didn’t want to be such a whiny baby that he was ready to give up his new job so I’m toning it down a little.

I was fully involved in the decision from the beginning; I just didn’t realize how much I would hate the idea of leaving. I keep reminding myself why I agreed to do this in the first place and run through the good things about it in my head. First and foremost? I’ve been able to revive my MLS obsession. I love houses. It might be a bit of an addiction. At first, combing the MLS in the areas we are considering living depressed me. The housing market in Pittsburgh doesn’t seem to have suffered as many markets have. Everything in our price range was boring, not updated 1950’s ranches or 1970’s split levels (not that there is anything wrong with that). But we’ve found some interesting options that give me hope that when we are ready to buy again we might be able to find something interesting. The reality is that we will pay the same or a little more money for about 1/3 less square footage in Pittsburgh. But we always said this house was bigger than we needed anyway.

(Playing with my white balance on the new camera.)

I feel bad that my obvious difficulty with this move has put greater pressure on Steve. He feels a responsibility to find (and pay for) a great house and to love his job to make it all worth it. My intention in expressing my grief was never to make it more difficult for him. I have a need to process my feelings out loud and unfortunately that sometimes means my husband hears more about what is going on inside my head than he needs or wants to. I didn’t do the stiff upper lip thing so well this time – I was much better at it when we moved south.

The bottom line of it all is that now that the process has begun (Steve in Pgh, the house on the market), I am hoping for a swift resolution. I will miss the life we’ve built here but it will all be good in the end.

For my long time readers/friends, watching Steve drive away yesterday was oddly reminiscent of Guatemala. Although this time I speak the language and the water won’t kill me.

This entry was posted on Monday, May 30th, 2011 at 1:00 pm and is filed under family. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.

8 Responses to “Inside my head”

  1. Julie P Says:

    Sigh. Being a grown up is hard sometimes isn’t it? As a long time reader your post struck a chord. I’m hoping for all of you that this separation from Steve will be no longer than the fostering, and hopefully a lot shorter. Glad to know you are doing ok, sometimes that is enough, especially with wonderful kids and an amazing partner.

  2. Lisa Says:

    I’m happy y’all are gainfully employed but it makes me physically ill that there are millions out of work for years at a time when others just snap their fingers and get any job they want, buy and sell houses whenever they want, etc. Guess I shouldn’t have decided to become a teacher since obviously that market is more volatile than dot com start-ups.

  3. burghbaby Says:

    There’s a reason we ended up farther away from downtown than we wanted. It’s amazing what happens to housing prices if you consider going just a couple miles east or west or north or south. Good luck!

    Oh, and could you ask Steve to teach me that snappy fingery thing? I’m all about finding a job the easy way and not, you know, working my ass off and earning that sort of thing. 😉

  4. kimberly Says:

    Don’t forget that you also have trash service and there’s not noise at all hours. Hope that the house sells quickly and you are all together again soon.

  5. jane Says:

    I was out of work for more than a year. Then I had to take a job out of my field at 60% less pay. But I’m still SO happy for your family – that Steve will have a job that he loves and you can be closer to family and out of the HOT HOT HOT South! Wouldn’t mind knowing that snappy finger thing though if Steve is offering an internet workshop!

  6. Martha Says:

    Ooooh have myself a MLS addiction as well…tell me the zip codes you are wanting, so I can join in your search with you! JK, though if you were my rl friend I would be so doing that whether you wanted my help or not.

    Lisa, sounds like you have hit a rough patch, but sour grapes won’t help. And it’s not like their house has sold yet. They are still having to deal…

  7. Jamie Says:

    Good luck with the move…I’m hoping things get easier and you find a house you love! Hey at least you are moving away from the CICADAS! 🙂

  8. cm Says:

    Thanks for sharing, Michelle, and I know what you mean. Sometimes I can take the high-road and keep my worries on my doorstep, and other days they fly inside and start buzzing around and annoying the family! There was an article recently about how heartbreak actually does cause physical pain. I think remembering that no matter what the issue at hand is–a move, a job, health problems, family conflict, or even a bad haircut or failed recipe, heartbreaks big or small do cause physical pain for the person experiencing it. Of course there is always some one who has it worse–and some one who has it better ; )–and we just all need to be patient with each other as we work through our own individual heartaches. I think sharing your process with us is so generous of you, and hopefully our blogland love can help heal your heartache a bit.

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